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I'm the worst amritdhaari ever! please help! what should i do?

okay so i watched porn last year and my mom caught me. ( i don't know when she caught me) she didn't confront me right away, but she did a few days later. i used to talk to strangers on omegle, watch porn, and masturbate. when my mom talked to me she gave me a huge lecture on how bad it is and how i shouldn't be doing it. she was really upset and i started crying. it made me feel really bad about myself. So yes, i did stop after that. i felt so much better. my mom and i started talking to each other again and she never brings it up thankfully. but then i started watching porn again a few months later. now I'm looking at porn, masturbating, or looking at nudes all the time. I'm on winter break from school right now and I've been doing it almost everyday. I'm so ashamed on myself, i let my mom down again! she hasn't caught me yet but i don't want her to either. i wanna stop this! how??? its so hard to quit and to stop once i start. please don't yell at me, i know this is bad. This is my fault now but when i was younger it was't my fault. it was my cousins. he introduced me to porn, and touched me at night. i hate him now and don't speak to him unless i have to. he probably remembers but we never bring it up. i was only 9 years old when i found out about this horrible stuff and its ruining my life.

i hate myself rn. please don't give hate just help..