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First of all to say you, leaving your Guru is never a good deed or any option. Now I realize what have done just. I cannot stop thinking about it and i feel im drowning more and more every minute.. It's all due to my own mistakes and the harm that I may have caused to some people, nearly, I love and this is making it all more worse, then the worst.. I feel there's almost nothing left of me anymore, i cannot feel the strength and energy anymore that I used to have It's al to much as I feel I'm in a web I self created full of poison, and I cant refuse it as Im totally stuck in it my all good deeds wither away as my consciousness, everything is big chaos.. I want my Guru back,.. hmm I just don't know how! Please help me this is going on for a few years now and now I feel I'm stuck as I never asked for help to anyone, I did not knwo where to go, or I just wel like a real idiot, I have to do something about it because if not then.. I afraid of what is going to happen I dont want to lose my family and all and myself into this .. I've tried everything, I failed , I feel weak and exhausted and I don't know where to go..It's a bigg mess up that I have to clean here, and up in my head. I read alot but it's of no good to me as i still doubt, doubt doubt and then ofcourse i again fail than. What do I ave to do I'm so lost, and don't know what to do. I'm out of solutions.