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Ok so Idk how to start but something is wrong with me idk . I dont wanna explain it and I dont think anyone would fully understand. Idk where to get help from. Back when my anxiety was really high and i has really bad sleep deprivation, my doctor told me to see a psychiatrist but my parents never took me and I have been pretending Im ok since then. The only thing is that I have been able to sleep better. My parents have their own problems. And If I try telling them they are literally going to be like "kuri kamli hogi". I tried telling my friends and they thought I was acting weird so I stopped telling them. I tried googling up stuff and depersonalization kinda matched but I feel so many other things. I havent been properly able to study. Last year I had bad grades so this year I tried making them better but instead they got worse , I failed a class, had to drop out of some etc. etc. Like rn at this point i dont even care I can work hard better next year but thats only if I get back to normal. Ima feel really bad for my parents bc they have been way to nice to me and I want to make them happy. I hope that ei I die soon if I m not going to feel normal. Im the older child and Im going to clg in a year and my parents have lots of hope from me but if I dont get better ... Ok now the only hope I see is praying to God but when I try listening to Paath it just makes me depressed idk not always but like.. And theres some other things that make me feel like God has turned his back on me. What do I do now? Should I start doing drugs? IM jk i would never do them. But like...either God doesnt like me or he doesnt exist. WHat SHOULD I DO ? WHERE SHOULD I GO? ...

Bhul Chuk Maaf

Ok so Idk how to start but something is wrong with me idk . I dont wanna explain it and I dont think anyone would fully understand. Idk where to get help from. Back when my anxiety was really high and i has really bad sleep deprivation, my doctor told me to see a psychiatrist but my parents never took me and I have been pretending Im ok since then. The only thing is that I have been able to sleep better. My parents have their own problems. And If I try telling them they are literally going to be like "kuri kamli hogi". I tried telling my friends and they thought I was acting weird so I stopped telling them. I tried googling up stuff and depersonalization kinda matched but I feel so many other things. I havent been properly able to study. Last year I had bad grades so this year I tried making them better but instead they got worse , I failed a class, had to drop out of some etc. etc. Like rn at this point i dont even care I can work hard better next year but thats only if I get back to normal. Ima feel really bad for my parents bc they have been way to nice to me and I want to make them happy. I hope that ei I die soon if I m not going to feel normal. Im the older child and Im going to clg in a year and my parents have lots of hope from me but if I dont get better ... Ok now the only hope I see is praying to God but when I try listening to Paath it just makes me depressed idk not always but like.. And theres some other things that make me feel like God has turned his back on me. What do I do now? Should I start doing drugs? IM jk i would never do them. But like...either God doesnt like me or he doesnt exist. WHat SHOULD I DO ? WHERE SHOULD I GO? ...

Bhul Chuk Maaf