Revision history [back]

I read few posts here before asking mine. Tjere we're few which said 'my husband is Maritdhari and divorced me, Amritdhari Husband took off'. They made me feel like a wrong person. I don't know their stories, I know Only mine and I am not happy with my decision. Since I am Amritdhari does that mean I cannot think of changing something which I regret( 2 families will get hurt)

It is not normal to unlike ur wife when u have been married for just 6 months. But what to do when someone goes through that........I am going through it. I have never been so angry on anyone, I still think it's better to not hurt her feelings but to hurt myself. But that's so cowardly. Hurting hers is also not a good act... That's so immoral.

I was a stupid person who talked to a girl for 10 minutes and said yes for marriage. Later on I found that she was once Amritdhari but couldn't follow rehet and went to parlor and got eye brows done. When I saw her for meeting and same our ardaas also happened she seemed like she had stopped doing that so I ignored the fact that she has failled once to follow rehet thinking she won't do it again. But she continued after 2 days of ardaas. That's when I started doing kirtan sohila paath with her on most nights on phone to make her heart tilt towards rehet. Once I asked her to not go to parlor and she promised and as a result I went to meet her as we both r from different town. But few days before on video call I saw her eye brows and confronted her about her action and she agreed that yes she has got them trimmed. And said she totally forgot about her promise. That day I made she knows how angry I am for the her hidding this habbit of hers from me before ardaas. I was afraid of not breaking of marriage as I promised my self that I will follow whatever comes after ardaas in my marriage and I wanted to keep that promise to myself. But she didn't change (I thought she did) she got khande bate di pahul before marriage as I kept it a condition for marriage. On that also her mother bargained on rehets that her daughter will follow. I came to know about it later. I was happy thinking everything is going well. I came to my city and my wife went to her mother's place for few weeks. During her stay she never mentioned that she has cut her hair from bottom. Neither her parents said anything(they later said they didn't notice- which I beilive is total crap). Day she returned my parents noticed and kept it from me in order to save me from the pain as I was in a different city and had no one to talk to or share my pain. As I always wanted a complete gursikh Amritdhari girl as my life partner with whom I could get higher spiritual ly and mentally. But instead I got a girl who lies to fulfil her personal motives. When I got to know about it I asked her family to come to our house and I told them all the negatives I saw in our relationship and how I have been hurt by them for keeping their daughters past mistakes of failling to follow rehet. They didn't even bother to tell it when my parents told them I am looking for amritdhari girl. Her family, my family we all cried on how old thing shave unfolded. Her father agreed that she likes to them but not to her. Brother whom they purposefully didn't bring to this meeting. As he was the only person who knew why she cut her hair. She lied about the reason when she told my family, her father accepted that she lied and that she has not told them either except her brother. Even during that meet also she didn't share that. I got to know about it after 1 month of that meeting. Since then I have stopped talking to her parents as they I beilive are the reason behind she keeps things from me. They think of ways to get what they want by rolling/hiding facts twisting them to fulfil their motives. Staying from them is the best way to change her. I want to believe Waheguru ji has some plan in all this which at the end works for me but I don't know whether I should end this relationship or just end my life to get over it. I want to make sure her habbits, lies don't hurt my family again. I am not a person who trust someone after they have taken advantage of it multiple times.

I am sure you cannot judge me by just hearing my side of story. What should I do ? Also, I have asked my wife not to take khande bate di pahul without me being present for peshi as it's my fault also who kept that Condition for marriage and now she broke it for her personal motives and says she did it in ignorance. I am it sure about what maryada says about it but I want to be present for peshi because I don't trust her that she will tell exact same truth to panj pyaras as I am not that she did the same earlier when she went to get baptised second time. What is the right approach here? She is from Punjab and I never expected someone living so close to darbar sahib to be of such weak rehet. I should add every lady in her place goes to parlor for their eyes brows and what not. I was stupid who couldn't tell the difference between a natural and threaded eye brow before marriage :( What options do I have for living a fulfilling life as I dreamed of?

Also, Today I stopped from getting baptised in a Sikh summer camp because I am not there and I am not sure what reason she will give to panj pyaras for breaking rehet last 2 times. I believe she is never taught of the importance of truth in life and that she will down play the actual reason during her paeshi. Does it really matter, what's reason s he gives to pay j pyaras because if it doesn't then I ll ask her to get baptised this Sunday otherwise no as I want to know if she can lie to panj pyaras or not....

From, - Emotional stupid guy becoming mean cruel logical person

I read few posts here before asking mine. Tjere we're few which said 'my husband is Maritdhari and divorced me, Amritdhari Husband took off'. They made me feel like a wrong person. I don't know their stories, I know Only mine and I am not happy with my decision. Since I am Amritdhari does that mean I cannot think of changing something which I regret( 2 families will get hurt)

It is not normal to unlike ur wife when u have been married for just 6 months. But what to do when someone goes through that........I am going through it. I have never been so angry on anyone, I still think it's better to not hurt her feelings but to hurt myself. But that's so cowardly. Hurting hers is also not a good act... That's so immoral.

I was a stupid person who talked to a girl for 10 minutes and said yes for marriage. Later on I found that she was once Amritdhari but couldn't follow rehet and went to parlor and got eye brows done. When I saw her for meeting and same our ardaas also happened she seemed like she had stopped doing that so I ignored the fact that she has failled once to follow rehet thinking she won't do it again. But she continued after 2 days of ardaas. That's when I started doing kirtan sohila paath with her on most nights on phone to make her heart tilt towards rehet. Once I asked her to not go to parlor and she promised and as a result I went to meet her as we both r from different town. But few days before on video call I saw her eye brows and confronted her about her action and she agreed that yes she has got them trimmed. And said she totally forgot about her promise. That day I made she knows how angry I am for the her hidding this habbit of hers from me before ardaas. I was afraid of not breaking of marriage as I promised my self that I will follow whatever comes after ardaas in my marriage and I wanted to keep that promise to myself. But she didn't change (I thought she did) she got khande bate di pahul before marriage as I kept it a condition for marriage. On that also her mother bargained on rehets that her daughter will follow. I came to know about it later. I was happy thinking everything is going well. I came to my city and my wife went to her mother's place for few weeks. During her stay she never mentioned that she has cut her hair from bottom. Neither her parents said anything(they later said they didn't notice- which I beilive is total crap). Day she returned my parents noticed and kept it from me in order to save me from the pain as I was in a different city and had no one to talk to or share my pain. As I always wanted a complete gursikh Amritdhari girl as my life partner with whom I could get higher spiritual ly and mentally. But instead I got a girl who lies to fulfil her personal motives. When I got to know about it I asked her family to come to our house and I told them all the negatives I saw in our relationship and how I have been hurt by them for keeping their daughters past mistakes of failling to follow rehet. They didn't even bother to tell it when my parents told them I am looking for amritdhari girl. Her family, my family we all cried on how old thing shave unfolded. Her father agreed that she likes to them but not to her. Brother whom they purposefully didn't bring to this meeting. As he was the only person who knew why she cut her hair. She lied about the reason when she told my family, her father accepted that she lied and that she has not told them either except her brother. Even during that meet also she didn't share that. I got to know about it after 1 month of that meeting. Since then I have stopped talking to her parents as they I beilive are the reason behind she keeps things from me. They think of ways to get what they want by rolling/hiding facts twisting them to fulfil their motives. Staying from them is the best way to change her. I want to believe Waheguru ji has some plan in all this which at the end works for me but I don't know whether I should end this relationship or just end my life to get over it. I want to make sure her habbits, lies don't hurt my family again. I am not a person who trust someone after they have taken advantage of it multiple times.

I am sure you cannot judge me by just hearing my side of story. What should I do ? Also, I have asked my wife not to take khande bate di pahul without me being present for peshi as it's my fault also who kept that Condition for marriage and now she broke it for her personal motives and says she did it in ignorance. I am it sure about what maryada says about it but I want to be present for peshi because I don't trust her that she will tell exact same truth to panj pyaras as I am not that she did the same earlier when she went to get baptised second time. What is the right approach here? She is from Punjab and I never expected someone living so close to darbar sahib to be of such weak rehet. I should add every lady in her place goes to parlor for their eyes brows and what not. I was stupid who couldn't tell the difference between a natural and threaded eye brow before marriage :( What options do I have for living a fulfilling life as I dreamed of?

Also, Today I stopped from getting baptised in a Sikh summer camp because I am not there and I am not sure what reason she will give to panj pyaras for breaking rehet last 2 times. I believe she is never taught of the importance of truth in life and that she will down play the actual reason during her paeshi. Does it really matter, what's reason s he gives to pay j pyaras because if it doesn't then I ll ask her to get baptised this Sunday otherwise no as I want to know if she can lie to panj pyaras or not....

My options: 1)Stick with marriage(struggle to understand her, cry at night alone, keep doing what she did to my parents and to me back to her and her parents out of pain and to make them understand they got to stop doing it. 2) break it off and hurt both families and spoil both our lives and lived tagged as a divorcee , u worthy of marriage. I am in India so that's a pretty big weight to live with. 3) Keep thinking (as my mother says) all this is Waheguru's will, mitha Mann k je lavo. I think I ll end up living it regretfully and die some day with regret of never trying to live life I thought I would have but would settle for what I got by my mistake of saying yes 4) Ardaas to die soon so that she leaves my family alone post my death. I can cry and live happily thinking my parents r happy but can't stand when my parents get hurt, cry coz of her family and her.

From, - Emotional stupid guy becoming mean cruel logical person

I read few posts here before asking mine. Tjere we're few which said 'my husband is Maritdhari and divorced me, Amritdhari Husband took off'. They made me feel like a wrong person. I don't know their stories, I know Only mine and I am not happy with my decision. Since I am Amritdhari does that mean I cannot think of changing something which I regret( 2 families will get hurt)

It is not normal to unlike ur wife when u have been married for just 6 months. But what to do when someone goes through that........I am going through it. I have never been so angry on anyone, I still think it's better to not hurt her feelings but to hurt myself. But that's so cowardly. Hurting hers is also not a good act... That's so immoral.

I was a stupid person who talked to a girl for 10 minutes and said yes for marriage. Later on I found that she was once Amritdhari but couldn't follow rehet and went to parlor and got eye brows done. When I saw her for meeting and same our ardaas also happened she seemed like she had stopped doing that so I ignored the fact that she has failled once to follow rehet thinking she won't do it again. But she continued after 2 days of ardaas. That's when I started doing kirtan sohila paath with her on most nights on phone to make her heart tilt towards rehet. Once I asked her to not go to parlor and she promised and as a result I went to meet her as we both r from different town. But few days before on video call I saw her eye brows and confronted her about her action and she agreed that yes she has got them trimmed. And said she totally forgot about her promise. That day I made she knows how angry I am for the her hidding this habbit of hers from me before ardaas. I was afraid of not breaking of marriage as I promised my self that I will follow whatever comes after ardaas in my marriage and I wanted to keep that promise to myself. But she didn't change (I thought she did) she got khande bate di pahul before marriage as I kept it a condition for marriage. On that also her mother bargained on rehets that her daughter will follow. I came to know about it later. I was happy thinking everything is going well. I came to my city and my wife went to her mother's place for few weeks. During her stay she never mentioned that she has cut her hair from bottom. Neither her parents said anything(they later said they didn't notice- which I beilive is total crap). Day she returned my parents noticed and kept it from me in order to save me from the pain as I was in a different city and had no one to talk to or share my pain. As I always wanted a complete gursikh Amritdhari girl as my life partner with whom I could get higher spiritual ly and mentally. But instead I got a girl who lies to fulfil her personal motives. When I got to know about it I asked her family to come to our house and I told them all the negatives I saw in our relationship and how I have been hurt by them for keeping their daughters past mistakes of failling to follow rehet. They didn't even bother to tell it when my parents told them I am looking for amritdhari girl. Her family, my family we all cried on how old thing shave unfolded. Her father agreed that she likes to them but not to her. Brother whom they purposefully didn't bring to this meeting. As he was the only person who knew why she cut her hair. She lied about the reason when she told my family, her father accepted that she lied and that she has not told them either except her brother. Even during that meet also she didn't share that. I got to know about it after 1 month of that meeting. Since then I have stopped talking to her parents as they I beilive are the reason behind she keeps things from me. They think of ways to get what they want by rolling/hiding facts twisting them to fulfil their motives. Staying from them is the best way to change her. I want to believe Waheguru ji has some plan in all this which at the end works for me but I don't know whether I should end this relationship or just end my life to get over it. I want to make sure her habbits, lies don't hurt my family again. I am not a person who trust someone after they have taken advantage of it multiple times.

I am sure you cannot judge me by just hearing my side of story. What should I do ? Also, I have asked my wife not to take khande bate di pahul without me being present for peshi as it's my fault also who kept that Condition for marriage and now she broke it for her personal motives and says she did it in ignorance. I am it sure about what maryada says about it but I want to be present for peshi because I don't trust her that she will tell exact same truth to panj pyaras as I am not that she did the same earlier when she went to get baptised second time. What is the right approach here? She is from Punjab and I never expected someone living so close to darbar sahib to be of such weak rehet. I should add every lady in her place goes to parlor for their eyes brows and what not. I was stupid who couldn't tell the difference between a natural and threaded eye brow before marriage :( What options do I have for living a fulfilling life as I dreamed of?

Also, Today I stopped from getting baptised in a Sikh summer camp because I am not there and I am not sure what reason she will give to panj pyaras for breaking rehet last 2 times. I believe she is never taught of the importance of truth in life and that she will down play the actual reason during her paeshi. Does it really matter, what's reason s he gives to pay j pyaras because if it doesn't then I ll ask her to get baptised this Sunday otherwise no as I want to know if she can lie to panj pyaras or not....

My options: 1)Stick with marriage(struggle to understand her, cry at night alone, keep doing what she did to my parents and to me back to her and her parents out of pain and to make them understand they got to stop doing it. 2) break it off and hurt both families and spoil both our lives and lived tagged as a divorcee , u worthy of marriage. I am in India so that's a pretty big weight to live with. 3) Keep thinking (as my mother says) all this is Waheguru's will, mitha Mann k je lavo. I think I ll end up living it regretfully and die some day with regret of never trying to live life I thought I would have but would settle for what I got by my mistake of saying yes 4) Ardaas to die soon so that she leaves my family alone post my death. I can cry and live happily thinking my parents r happy but can't stand when my parents get hurt, cry coz of her family and her.

From, - Emotional stupid guy becoming mean cruel logical person

I read few posts here before asking mine. Tjere we're few which said 'my husband is Maritdhari and divorced me, Amritdhari Husband took off'. They made me feel like a wrong person. I don't know their stories, I know Only mine and I am not happy with my decision. Since I am Amritdhari does that mean I cannot think of changing something which I regret( 2 families will get hurt)

It is not normal to unlike ur wife when u have been married for just 6 months. But what to do when someone goes through that........I am going through it. I have never been so angry on anyone, I still think it's better to not hurt her feelings but to hurt myself. But that's so cowardly. Hurting hers is also not a good act... That's so immoral.

I was a stupid person who talked to a girl for 10 minutes and said yes for marriage. Later on I found that she was once Amritdhari but couldn't follow rehet and went to parlor and got eye brows done. When I saw her for meeting and same our ardaas also happened she seemed like she had stopped doing that so I ignored the fact that she has failled once to follow rehet thinking she won't do it again. But she continued after 2 days of ardaas. That's when I started doing kirtan sohila paath with her on most nights on phone to make her heart tilt towards rehet. Once I asked her to not go to parlor and she promised and as a result I went to meet her as we both r from different town. But few days before on video call I saw her eye brows and confronted her about her action and she agreed that yes she has got them trimmed. And said she totally forgot about her promise. That day I made she knows how angry I am for the her hidding this habbit of hers from me before ardaas. I was afraid of not breaking of marriage as I promised my self that I will follow whatever comes after ardaas in my marriage and I wanted to keep that promise to myself. But she didn't change (I thought she did) she got khande bate di pahul before marriage as I kept it a condition for marriage. On that also her mother bargained on rehets that her daughter will follow. I came to know about it later. I was happy thinking everything is going well. I came to my city and my wife went to her mother's place for few weeks. During her stay she never mentioned that she has cut her hair from bottom. Neither her parents said anything(they later said they didn't notice- which I beilive is total crap). Day she returned my parents noticed and kept it from me in order to save me from the pain as I was in a different city and had no one to talk to or share my pain. As I always wanted a complete gursikh Amritdhari girl as my life partner with whom I could get higher spiritual ly and mentally. But instead I got a girl who lies to fulfil her personal motives. When I got to know about it I asked her family to come to our house and I told them all the negatives I saw in our relationship and how I have been hurt by them for keeping their daughters past mistakes of failling to follow rehet. They didn't even bother to tell it when my parents told them I am looking for amritdhari girl. Her family, my family we all cried on how old thing shave unfolded. Her father agreed that she likes to them but not to her. Brother whom they purposefully didn't bring to this meeting. As he was the only person who knew why she cut her hair. She lied about the reason when she told my family, her father accepted that she lied and that she has not told them either except her brother. Even during that meet also she didn't share that. I got to know about it after 1 month of that meeting. Since then I have stopped talking to her parents as they I beilive are the reason behind she keeps things from me. They think of ways to get what they want by rolling/hiding facts twisting them to fulfil their motives. Staying from them is the best way to change her. I want to believe Waheguru ji has some plan in all this which at the end works for me but I don't know whether I should end this relationship or just end my life to get over it. I want to make sure her habbits, lies don't hurt my family again. I am not a person who trust someone after they have taken advantage of it multiple times.

I am sure you cannot judge me by just hearing my side of story. What should I do ? Also, I have asked my wife not to take khande bate di pahul without me being present for peshi as it's my fault also who kept that Condition for marriage and now she broke it for her personal motives and says she did it in ignorance. I am it sure about what maryada says about it but I want to be present for peshi because I don't trust her that she will tell exact same truth to panj pyaras as I am not that she did the same earlier when she went to get baptised second time. What is the right approach here? She is from Punjab and I never expected someone living so close to darbar sahib to be of such weak rehet. I should add every lady in her place goes to parlor for their eyes brows and what not. I was stupid who couldn't tell the difference between a natural and threaded eye brow before marriage :( What options do I have for living a fulfilling life as I dreamed of?

Also, Today I stopped from getting baptised in a Sikh summer camp because I am not there and I am not sure what reason she will give to panj pyaras for breaking rehet last 2 times. I believe she is never taught of the importance of truth in life and that she will down play the actual reason during her paeshi. Does it really matter, what's reason s he gives to pay j pyaras because if it doesn't then I ll ask her to get baptised this Sunday otherwise no as I want to know if she can lie to panj pyaras or not....

My options: 1)Stick with marriage(struggle to understand her, cry at night alone, keep doing what she did to my parents and to me back to her and her parents out of pain and to make them understand they got to stop doing it. 2) break it off and hurt both families and spoil both our lives and lived tagged as a divorcee , u worthy of marriage. I am in India so that's a pretty big weight to live with. 3) Keep thinking (as my mother says) all this is Waheguru's will, mitha Mann k je lavo. I think I ll end up living it regretfully and die some day with regret of never trying to live life I thought I would have but would settle for what I got by my mistake of saying yes 4) Ardaas to die soon so that she leaves my family alone post my death. I can cry and live happily thinking my parents r happy but can't stand when my parents get hurt, cry coz of her family and her.

From, - Emotional stupid guy becoming mean cruel logical person