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Hi! I am 21 year old girl and I want to move out from my house.

asked 2015-10-19 20:49:54 -0500

harmeet101 gravatar image

Hi! I am 21 year old girl and I want to move out from my house. The reasons are my mom had a second marriage and my step-dad (never seen or know anything about my real father) raped me since the age of 7 I was not able to understand till the age of 12 what was happening all I knew was that I didn’t want him to hurt me further. Since my mom did night shifts but when she quit work one day I mustered up the courage to tell her what was happening, around the age of 11. She told me to keep quiet and the same happened again when she returned back to work. But it was worse because since I had told my mom about it and she literally did nothing other than scream at him once. So he continued his abuse openly now and then every week he would kick my mom out of bed and take me from my room and rape me once, twice, or thrice a week as he pleased. My mom would just sleep beside my little sister and watch it all happen in the same room. Somedays it hurt so bad I would get up naked walk in the house and look for ways to kill myself. I am the only child from the first marriage the other two children belong to him even they hate their father for all he has done to me. At the age of 18 when I thought I had hope to go off to university and get far from this horror he didn’t let that happen every time I had an exam in grade 12 he would wake me up and beat me make sure I wouldn’t sleep. I still somehow managed to get a good gpa but he didn’t let that happen. Said there were financial problems so I couldn’t go to university and neither did he let me save up or do any job. I wasn’t allowed to have more than one female friend or even stay after school 5 mins extra for help not allowed to socialize with any family. He isn’t worth calling a monster he has done way more beyond that I was staying in the house so maybe I can could encourage my mom but she isn’t willing to move on. One day it got soo out of hand my brother called the cops while he was beating and I reported him for domestic violence and then he broke that prohibition entered the house and beat my mom with my step-aunt. All this happened just in begining of 2015. I thought this would make my mom realize she isn’t weak she can be independent but all she does is chase him and thinks he will change or has changed I know he hasn’t. He will be able to enter the house in February again all my mother is ... (more)

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Thank you everyone I just wanted a bit of encouragement that I am on the right path and I am safe for now. I am working my way to make myself financially stable to move out before February and he enters back. As soon as I get a place and a good job I will look into further education. Yes, I did turn to praying it gave me peace internally but could someone guide me more I am only familiar to Japji Sahib in the mornings.

harmeet101 gravatar imageharmeet101 ( 2015-10-22 18:38:48 -0500 )edit

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answered 2015-10-22 15:56:28 -0500

life gravatar image

ssa ji ,, please move out of that house. doesn;t matter what people say , dont care about that. those people are not around you when you sit and cry in a corner. trust me there are challanges. in life. and you will have to go through. my ex was alcohlic and i have been raising two kids since almost 6 yrs now without any fincally support. I put up with my ex for many yrs just thinking what people will say. but the truth is people dont say anything good when you are doing everything good i mean handling things by ourselves. so please get out from there. and start a new life. I wish if you were here in my city i could have definatlly help you. but still i will give my work email [email protected] if you feel comfortable to discuss. further. please forgive for my spellings. writing in rush .

waheguru ji ka khalsa whaeguru ji ki fathae

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answered 2015-10-20 15:50:17 -0500

gn gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Do Ardaas and leave ASAP.

Things will get better and you can save your siblings and mother.

If you need extra advice people on this forum many people have faced similar problems:

Also ring Sikh helpline or contact them:

Sat Sri Akaal

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answered 2015-10-20 10:42:14 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Since you were 7? That's 14 years of abuse. Get out NOW! Don't wait. You don't say where you live, but there are shelters for abused women in most places. Don't worry about anything else. Just get out and get to a safe place. After you feel safe, then the rest of what you need to do will begin to unfold.


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answered 2015-10-19 23:17:38 -0500

anon gravatar image

reading your story gave me goosebumps. .... :| all I can do is pray for you. I know generally on this site we all give the same answer, read bani. but the thing is, this situation, you can try to develop a closer relationship to god, so you feel more secure taking the decisions you take. having a close relationship to god is like a protective shield. just decide, and trust me god will help u.

you need to get away, your mom i don't even know what to say... :| you deserve to live with happiness and dignity, get away from them, do an ardaas every single day. clean your consciousness and start a new life.

i am really sorry that I don't even know what to say. but any situation good or bad, we have to turn to god, our only friend. because our man (mind) might be attached to something bad, something that prevents growth. the thing is even if u try to please them, you will never be able to. you can't please people and you can't make others happy at all. so should you even try? just pray to god, have a clear conscious. and move away.

try to stabilize your self financially (get a job) + pray about it with confidence and hopefully one day it will fall into place. please do try to get guidance from someone(seek it out, in reality or online) maybe you can even email the site's administrator (Mr guruka singh, he is amazing), can't you get a loan and go to uni? get an education, live! but have the courage to do so as well. your mom just is scared but U have to have courage. (indian society is kind of stupid) find strength, trust me it will get better, when you hit rock bottom there is only one way, : UP!

(a little story, these farmers basically had no rain and wanted it to rain, and they went to a sadhu, and asked him can you make it rain?, he said well did u bring umbrellas?, (something like that) point is if you are gonna ask for something basically be confident that your wishes will come true, make sure that your intentions are true and pure.

You can have defeatist attitude and stay low, or you can elevate. and it takes courage even to share something like this. as i mentioned above call guruka singh, or any one you trust in real life.

I hope the best for you, please take care.

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Asked: 2015-10-19 20:49:54 -0500

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Last updated: Oct 22 '15