Identity Crisis
Basically, I am born into a Hindu family and have been brought up identifying as a Hindu. But being Punjabi, and being from a family that has tried to teach me about all religions I have had A LOT of exposure to and interaction with Sikhism. From the very beginning I've been extremely and inexplicably drawn towards Sikhi and my connection with it has just kept getting stronger. Right now, being 21, I understand it more than I understand Hinduism even though I have learned more about Hinduism, and I feel more connected to it. You know that feeling of complete peace? I get it through Sikhism. Now I know this may not seem like much of a dilemma and many people I have discussed it with simply say that it's alright and if I feel like this I should stick with it, and I do. I'm trying everyday to be more involved in the Sikhi way of life and practice and learn the religion more, simply because I love it and it feels so right. People have said that it might put me to rest if I chak Amrit, but I'm not yet ready for that. My issue is, what do I identify as? Being born and brought up mainly as a Hindu, am I Hindu? And if I am, why don't I feel the same connection to it the way I do with Sikhism? I have a few connections to Hinduism. For example, I feel so much adoration for the Goddess and the idea is just so powerful and respectful that it leaves me in awe. When I pray, I do say Hindu prayers along with Sikh prayers. I celebrate Hindu and Sikh festivals. I do occasionally visit the mandir and pray there, and the same with the Gurdwara. So what does this make me? When I think about it, I want to do things in my life according to Sikhism. For example, if I get married, I want to have an Anand Karaj. If I have kids, I'd want to bring them up as Sikhs. When I die, I'd want my final rites to be done according to Sikhism. But can I do all this? Who determines whether I can or cannot apart from God? And how do I know what he has determined for me? Who am I? When I talk to someone, they assume I'm Sikh. And then get shocked when they know I'm Hindu, leaving me without a reaction because I simply don't know myself what to identify as. I say Hindu for the sake of my family. But for some reason that just doesn't feel right. The other day I tried explaining to my mother how I understand Sikhism better than I understand Hinduism and I can relate and connect to it more, and she simply told me that she knows, and that it's been very evident for a very long ...
