Intrusive thoughts
Ive been getting into sikhi more in the past few years..and this has become a more serious attempt to practice sikhi within the last year or so. I have intrusive, scary and disturbing thoughts that pop into my head before i have even thought them! It started off as the odd thing but in the past few months things have gone from bad to worse. I read sumwhere that these kind of thoughts are an off-shoot of anxiety..and i do tend to worry a lot e.g how will i build a strong, spiritua jeevan amongst various other things. These thoughts are too shameful to share but an example is an image popping into my mind of someone openly weeing in the gurdwara in the presence of guru granth sahib ji ..disgusting ino and i hate it but what can i do they just come out of nowhere...they are so random and mostly of a rude nature.. What makes it worse is tht these thoughts are all related to sikhi, our guru, sanagat and ithiaas... This makes me even more disgusted, and i feel like the only one in the world to have thoughts of this nature.it makes me worry so much about the punishment i am guna receive for havin these thoughts and what sikhi can i build up when i have these thoughts to deal with? I also feel resentful towards guru ji at times e.g y cant guru ji just eliminate these anoying things..andthen this feelin of dislike makes me want to hate myself even more.. Its a vicious circle. I really do not know what to do...this is seriously making me unhappy, ino sikhi is a hard path and all that but surely its not to such an extent that we r meant to be miserable (like me) constantly battling stupid thoughts all day and living in fear of how bad ur thoughts r going to become. Please anyone shed some light
Thank you in advance
