joint family

asked 2013-11-07 05:10:10 -0500

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I live in a joint family, my in laws, brother in law and his wife and a baby of them, i have a baby too, both babies are of almost same age, my oroblem is my mother in law is very authoritative and wants all control, my father in law dont want to seperate us even if we expressed that we dont want to live together, we both couples have totally different priorities, i love clean house which does happen now because m working, no timely cooking, my mother in law and sister in law just keep on looking at each other and neither one of them work, then my mother in law and father in law puts pressure on me to work at home as well because m elder, its so hard and frustrating, i tried to the greatest for adjusting but cant bear it no more,, please help

answered 2013-11-08 00:38:25 -0500

This post is a wiki. Anyone with karma >100 is welcome to improve it.

Sat Nam,

Honestly, I would say, just leave. Because you work and have a means of supporting yourself (and I assume that your husband works as well), you should be well off to get your own place. It makes it harder because of the family dynamic, and conflicting desires and needs of each "family". Has your husband expressed to his mother and father about why it would be better off if you all had homes of your own? I think it's important that their sons talk to them about this. But all of you should be firm about your stance while still respecting your family. It seems as though your in-laws are not used to or comfortable yet with the idea of their children leading their own lives. This is true especially if they lived with your father-in-law's parents.

But, it's important that you as a couple take charge of your own lives and live independently. Let them know that living in separate homes is not "splitting" anything up, but just spreading out the family to make everyone more comfortable.

God bless you and I wish you luck that you will have a happy transition into a home you can start to build and call your own.

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