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Feeling Lost

asked 2013-10-28 01:16:37 -0600

JustMe gravatar image

updated 2013-10-28 01:20:52 -0600

For a long time I have been feeling so empty and lost. I never made many friends. I never party - never done any drugs or alcohol. I dont even have a phone. Clearly I am not your typical teenager. I always dress conservatively and be kind as possible. I try to enjoy and appreciate the little things in life but lately I just feel so down. I'm grade 11 this year and everything has changed. My one close friend is becoming distant each day, my grades are dropping. I was a first class honour roll last year and I even received a scholarship for my achievements that year. But this year I am getting 3 B's and one A, and I dont really understand why. I dont feel good about my body and how I look. I really no longer enjoy the person I am. I loved dressing up and what not, now I dont even remember/care about what I wore yesterday. I literally can feel parts of me dying. I dont know what to feel. Theres so much more to it. I'm confused about life and my identity. I feel like I dont understand what God has in store for me. Its not that I want to be pitied so I am asking this, but what should I really do? I believe in God with all my heart.

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answered 2013-10-28 02:47:12 -0600

Lo K. B. gravatar image

updated 2013-10-28 03:21:55 -0600

Sat Nam,

I decided to answer this question because I really feel for what you are saying. And because of that, I will tell you the story of myself. Your story is a mirror image of my own. I had the same exact "episode" when I was in 9th grade, where my grades were falling and I entered into a deep depression. I didn't know who I was before and every day that I had to go through this confusion, I felt alone, hurt and worst of all, ashamed and guilty that I had done something terrible. I didn't know what it was. It got so bad that I stopped eating and became severely dehydrated.

Every day I'd wake up crying or sick, throw on a black sweatshirt and drag myself to school like a zombie. My best friends couldn't take my crying anymore and began to withdraw from me; that added a crushing blow because then I started to feel like a miserable failure. I couldn't concentrate at school anymore because I felt like I was going insane. My body was contracting, I'd wake up having panic attacks, I'd have horrid dreams about killing my entire family and myself. Drugs even seemed like a way out. I wanted anything which would make it go away. Thank God I didn't succumb to it! The sad truth is I would have, because I felt that every day I felt like this, I was hurting myself and everyone who loved me. It was a living hell.

No one can tell you how to get out of this, but I do want to tell you what happened with me. I was exactly like you. No drugs, no alcohol, very well dressed, was an EXTREMELY creative person, a hopeless optimist, a leader and all around good friend, and then one day it just died. I missed who I was but was afraid to return to her because I couldn't get the thought out of my mind that I had some extreme flaw in my character that led me to this "punishment". This occurred for a few more months (a year total), and I remember going through everything, doctors, psychologists, psychiatrists. No one could figure it out; their conclusion was severe anxiety. But I remember my turning point very clearly. I went to my weekly appointment with my psychiatrist, and she prescribed my some anxiety medicine called Xanax. You've probably heard of it. It wasn't much--10mg, a baby dose--and I went home with a sick feeling about it. I looked at the little white tablet in my palm and decided I'd humor my mom and take it. (On a side note, I really do not like taking medicine--I'm a true believer in Ayurvedic/natural medicines, but this was important for my mother, so I took it). I remember waiting for it to kick in, and feeling disgusting.

The truth was, beneath all ... (more)

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answered 2013-10-28 08:52:44 -0600

JustMe gravatar image

I thank you a million times over! Your story and evolution gives me hope. I think for so long I have been holding onto unneccesary thoughts but now its time to let go of them once and for all. I wish you all the happiness and God bless you! Thank you :)

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Asked: 2013-10-28 01:16:37 -0600

Seen: 850 times

Last updated: Oct 28 '13