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Arrange marriage part 2

asked 2013-06-08 08:13:26 -0600

Cloud gravatar image

Hey fellow sikhneters you guys seem to be a good and smart bunch of people so I'll give you this nut too crack about my life.

I'm the same guy that made this question 2 years ago: sikhnet youth forum archive link

Read the link too continue to read this text!:

What happened was that I followed the advice I got and tried too talk too my local giani and this is what he said and I quote:

"Guru gobind singh ji got arranged marriage, why can't you as his son?".

Great, so much for his support! I thought...And after seeing this video much later I realised it was 2 total diffrent situations about Guru Gobind Singh ji and my situation:

I couldn't consult my grandparents either since they're dead. So there I was, no idea what to do, but being a hypersexual (I've lived in a very dysfunctional family) guy with Asperger Syndrome I thought well I wont get laid since no matter if I'm clean shaven or not. I suck with women altough I'm not bad looking. I'll kill 2 birds 1 stone since Indian women are the most submissive women in the world and I'l lose my virginity. Boy did I have too eat up those words!

I went too India, it was all very surrealistic, 2 days before marriage I got sick with paratyphoid fever and then I got married and there I was in that "mystical bed", since I was so sick I couldn't even have the stamina although according too Indian Custom you're supposed to be most sexually active the first 6 months and in the first month you're suppose to do it everyday.

All in all, things went bad with my health and our relationship and she left after awhile and everyone was suprised, including myself. Though I was happy she left which made me a free man who has some authority on what too choose. Since I did comply with my parents wishes.

Good ending right? Nope.

I tried too study in university, but I have learning problems which apply too both school and work because of my syndrome. I can't clear one single test at university and I can't keep a job more then 2 weeks. Lost 4 jobs already! While it takes maybe 2 days for a "normal" person too learn to work maybe it takes like 2 weeks for me and that costs money for the company so I'll get fired. I have a very bad short term memory and so I don't learn new things and I'll get easily tired.

These things are making me the blacksheep of my family, everyone else works and studies and they have their own problems, but they get very irritated when a guy like me who has citizenship and has the ability too study at university ... (more)

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answered 2013-06-11 13:49:20 -0600

Tigress gravatar image

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa! Vaheguru Jee Ki Fateh!

First of all, DO NOT MARRY A 14 YEAR OLD GIRL OR AN 18 YEAR OLD GIRL FOR THAT MATTER. They are both young and I cannot believe I am reading this and their parents actually want them to get married, especially since you don't know what you're doing with your life.

I'm gonna give you some straight up no crap advice - sort yourself out. Your job. Your education. Marriage isn't going to fix anything, you do not have to get married yet, or ever. You've just got divorced, your first wife clearly wasn't happy. What makes you think a second marriage is going to work so easily? Sort yourself out, then you can think about marriage and having a family.

"I'll kill 2 birds 1 stone since Indian women are the most submissive women in the world and I'l lose my virginity" That right there is a big problem. Women are not objects. You should not be getting married because it's the thing to do, nor should you do it just to have sex. I would strongly recommend rethinking the way you think about women and sex, in Sikhi lust is harmful and women are completely equal to men. Get this Indian wife stereotype out your head.

You really need to talk to your parents about this. They are so so wrong in their thinking.

How to sort your job and education problems.The only thing I can really say is to do Ardas. Why don't you have some time off and go to the gurdwara and do regular seva and simran. Hopefully you'll find some peace and inspiration. Figure yourself out. Who said you can't take Amrit because you have autism? Immerse yourself in Sikhi. Everything will get better:

Vahegurooo <3

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answered 2014-02-09 22:55:49 -0600

Cloud gravatar image



Hey, just wanna say. Since I don't have the privaligies in this forum yet too update through comments although I have a karma over 50+ here's an quick update!

Alot have happened in 8 months since then. Don't worry my dear sister's since I've turn inside myself and trying to do sadhana/amrit vela everyday! I have to practice what I preach right? Altough I've totally daily scheduele, but that's a diffrent topic.

I will just tell that this video is what I'm trying too live right now. This video was a deal-breaker for me.Money the New Spiritual Teacher Webinar - YouTube Clip Having thoughts on taking any job just to get money in my bank account even though it's compromising my values. Or someone that my parents want's me to be so that they can give me money. And as said in previous post I was very angry and frustrated on fear of money.

So my bad relationships, my bad health and not get any jobs made me forced to stop. And ask myself why can't get a job and what do I need to learn from these experiences? To heal myself I need to work hard.

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answered 2014-02-08 01:14:19 -0600

kaur14 gravatar image

Hi, I just read your problem. I would say just think about yourself for a second and take one step at a time. If you will think you can do everything to make your life easy and your parents this will not happen. Give yourself some time, you just got divorced and you probably do not want to get marry to those teenagers who are not muture yet and they will leave you too after an year or so. Sorry to say but it really seems like that. First, think about what you want to do study or job then do it as your 'majburi' doesn't matter you are happy or not. Try to stay there and don't think you can't do it because you learn slow. Then after 2 or 3 years, try to think about marriage with the age of yours or an year younger that way you guys will understand each other better. And tell your parents they have done already once, the marriage. Now its your time, and you will tell them when you are ready to get married. And suicide is not the solution for everything. I was used to thing the same way to kill myself then i thought about my loved one, who cares about me like my shadow. So don't ever try to hurt yourself.

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Asked: 2013-06-08 08:13:26 -0600

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Last updated: Feb 09 '14