feeling desperate
I can't believe it's been a year since I have been suffering in silence. I don't know what to do anymore and I feel desperate. We read the book Siddhartha and it made me feel lonely and more sad. I mean I always knew God is not a man up there but like...
Approximately a year ago I started watching sikhnet videos and stuff, life was good and all. Then this weird painful stuff started happening... now when I think about it does that mean "God" doesn't want me to get closer to him? Like what did I do wrong at that time... Since my perspective on prayers has also changed, I feel even more desperate. Umm like so when u pray ur basically praying to yourself :/? . I have also heard if u pray with a pure heart then guru will definitely listen to ur prayer umm who's guru? what guru? I haven't listened or did paath as I planned to do, first I don't wanna do it...second I know my life ain't going to get better with it and If i had been doing paath since all this stuff started happening I probably have already lost faith.
This is the crucial time of my life, college and stuff is coming up and I m over here screwed rn. I had so many goals in life but...
