Do I have any options?
Hello, I'm a Punjabi college student who was raised in the US. Although I was brought up as Sikh, I feel like I know nothing about being a Sikh. I'm sorry.
My parents listen to gurbani and all, but i have never seen a family as miserable as mine. My dad drinks and hates his situation (getting married, having kids, wishes my cousins were his own kids), my mom puts up with abuse from him and has some health issues and really regrets me. I have never been allowed to have friends, not even other desi kids. I have few social skills and stay at home, devoting all of my time and energy into school as a distraction. My brother doesn't have any friends either and spends all of his time at home. He's so introverted that he doesn't even speak to my parents. I'm concerned about his mental health. Our cousins don't talk to us and they're allowed to have friends and socialize with other people. They don't even study or do anything to be successful, but my parents say they're still better than us. I feel really lonely all the time. I have no one to talk to.
My mom doesn't even like to talk to me. My dad told me I should've been killed as a baby. My mom says I'm worthless and I won't amount to anything even though I'm a good student. Today she called me a kutti for an hour and threw her phone at me because I was jealous she was going to spend time with my aunt. Whenever I ask to spend time with her, she says she has to work. She never takes me to any events and gets agitated at the thought of spending time with me. I think she sees my brother (my parents say he's a great kid compared to me, but he's completely mute) and I as burdens to her life because my dad emotionally abuses her so we're a bridge between them that she has the responsibility of taking care of.
We're not like other Punjabi families that go to weddings and birthday parties. My dad is always bitter so he has few friends and hates everyone. He has thrown a shot glass at my uncle's head during his wedding. He drove under the influence with us and crashed into a truck. Why? My brother, mom, and I were at my uncle's pind after his wedding. My dad came drunkenly, accused her of cheating, and crashed into a big truck on the way back to his village (on my side of the car). We never go anywhere anymore. My mom is just happy she gets to hang out with my aunt all the time so she can avoid me. My mom told me I'm like her second husband, preventing her from enjoying life.
I ...
