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My parents are not supporting me

asked 2018-06-22 02:03:29 -0600

Kaurageous gravatar image

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh Khalsa ji I am really in a confused state right now. Few months back I attended a camp which motivated me to crown my head with dastaar. I have taken amrit and its been 3 years. But I was not following the path of simplicity. I used to dress up well and I was fond of make up stuffs. I wanted to get rid of it and make a simple living. But when I proposed my wish in front of my parents they refused and are against it. They said that baptizing is a different thing and tying a dastaar is a different thing. We shouldn't be kattarh(sorry if I spell it wrong). And when I asked them for reasons they said that you are just 20 rn and not grown up enough to take such important decisions on your own. Tying dastaar would make it difficult for us to find a good guy to marry you. People usually don't support this kattarhpanti. It would also mean a simple marriage and would spoil our plans for your marriage. It is difficult to find a good family like this. They told me that I can opt for this after my marriage i.e; 4-5 years if my inlaws would allow me to do so. But I'm not getting the point of delaying this. How am I supposed to get a proper gursikh family if I myself is not a girl that they would be wanting. I don't know how to convince them. Please help. Thankyou for your time.

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You do not hurry. Dastar is not necessary . 1st wait after marriage you can start wearing dastaar

Amandeep007 gravatar imageAmandeep007 ( 2018-07-07 04:27:09 -0600 )edit

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answered 2018-06-22 02:20:27 -0600

strongKaur gravatar image

I wanted to offer you support although I do not know exactly how to solve your problem. I think it is really amazing that you have decided to wear a dastaar. I think you are of an age that you are able to make that decision for yourself. But its also important to respect that your parents are basing their opinion based on their own life experiences so they probably really do feel like they are protecting you from a bad future. I think that’s important to recognize as well. I 100% agree with you that there’s no point in waiting until after you are married to get your inlaws permission to do so. I think that in fact puts you as inferior to your in laws, waiting until they approve. As a kaur myself, I would not want such in laws that I have to ask them how to live my life and I don’t think we should allow anyone to control someone else’s path in such a way. It may in fact be harder for you to find a family, but I don’t think this is a bad thing. I think rather it will be clear in which family you will be accepted for who you are. Your marriage is how your marriage wants to be. There are lots of pics of Gursikh marriages online for inspiration. Maybe show your parents examples of couples who have had these weddings (better yet if you know such a couple). Maybe they’ve never seen it or don’t know of many girls wearing dastaars etc. I think you can just start wearing a dastar when you like and let them know that you are being respectful of their view however this is your path to walk. They might see its not as drastic as they expected. Maybe over time they will just accept it.

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strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-06-22 02:25:30 -0600 )edit

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2018-06-29 10:20:40 -0600 )edit

Sikh sangat singiin problem always login problem.

Amandeep007 gravatar imageAmandeep007 ( 2018-07-07 04:27:41 -0600 )edit

answered 2018-06-28 22:03:57 -0600

Kaurageous gravatar image

Waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh Penji I totally agree with your answer. But I don't want to start wearing without his hukam for the sake of convincing my parents. Many of my friends told me to tie dastaar occassionally but I'm not convinced if it is right. It's like a crown, once you own it you cannot run from it. It shouldn't be like wear it when you like, and wear not when you're not willing. I have shown them gursikh marriages too but it didn't help. We don't have any relatives who are this much involved and who could have a positive impact on my parents. They be like none of your cousins or friends is keen in following this path, then why are you going all the way different.

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On the Sikhnet discussion forum I have sometimes read experiences of other women and also men talking about the discouragement received from family when wearing a dastaar for the first time. You can search on that forum too for more support.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-06-29 02:19:28 -0600 )edit

In some of those cases people mentioned that they did it anyways despite what their family had objected against. The reasoning would not be because its for the sake of convincing them, but because it is about your personal journey and all the reasons you would want to wear a dastaar.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-06-29 02:20:49 -0600 )edit

I think walking a different path is the way that needs to be walked sometimes to make a change for the good of the whole family. at the same time i understand your discomfort in going against what they are telling you.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-06-29 02:22:05 -0600 )edit

ps i love the name Kaurageous, i think its ingenious!

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-06-29 02:40:27 -0600 )edit

It's about you and your Guru, nobody else. We don't simply "wear" turban like an article of clothing. We wrap turban with awareness and reverence. It becomes a part of you.

Guruka Singh gravatar imageGuruka Singh ( 2018-07-12 11:54:39 -0600 )edit

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Asked: 2018-06-22 02:03:29 -0600

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Last updated: Jun 28 '18