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Urgent Guidance Needed: Life or Death

asked 2017-12-01 18:27:01 -0500

anonymous user


Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh,

I am in an urgent need of advice or help. The person I love very very deeply is going through something that's killing him mentally, alongside a range of health issues. He isn't talking to anyone about what it is that's hurting him so much hes holding it all in which is making him bitter and angry towards everyone, mostly me.

He talks about committing suicide and today he was speaking about it so seriously. I'm so afraid that something might actually happen to him. I told him that God will always be there with him and he has turned away from the belief and trust in God (he is Sikh ad I am too). He talks about not caring about anyone or anything and doesn't want to look out for anyone but himself anymore.

More than anything I want him to be happy with life and at peace with himself more than I want him to be mine.

He does not speak to me almost at all and wishes to be alone when a short while ago he spoke about us being married so our souls could come together and become one whereas now he throws me away when I try to help him.

how do I go about this situation, I really do not want to lose this person, how can I help him?

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answered 2017-12-01 19:24:12 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

Someone talking about suicide should always be taken seriously, and it sounds like he might act on it. In Canada we have the mental health act saying basically you can call 9-1-1 for him and say that you fear for his safety and tell them what he was saying to you, and the police would go to his house to take him to the hospital for psychiatric evaluation for his own safety. I’m sure there probably exists a similar thing in the US/UK etc. I know you probably feel reluctant to do this, but it might save his life! Honestly if I was you in that situation, I would do that. When people are struggling with mental illness, sometimes the emotional pain can be so bad they don’t think clearly. He needs to see a healthcare professional to get some help so he can get back on his feet and feeling better. I’m glad you care so deeply and have stuck with him through this. It takes a lot of courage from your part. He is pushing you away but actually usually people need someone the most during that time so you have done well by sticking around. You seem to have a good understanding that his bitterness and anger is actually a result of his suffering and not about you, which is spot on. His hopelessness today sounds particularly worrying.

So I’d say ACT now. Call an ambulance for him to be seen by a doctor. It might save his life. I know you’re scared. I want you to understand that no matter what happens, his choices are his and it’s not your fault. But really, doctors are the ones best trained to help him and they can! People can turn their life around with some help. They are the ones who can help him, and there’s no way he can really turn that help away if they show up at his door. Even if you promised you wouldn’t say anything, you need to break it, because this is about his life, and they can help.

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I am sorry this person does not want to share with you everything, This is very difficult situation to be especially in a relationship. You could be working very very hard to make it work but please know that relationships positive ones work both ways. Pull yourself away and go to the gurudwara!

sanjlon gravatar imagesanjlon ( 2017-12-05 18:04:46 -0500 )edit

answered 2018-02-03 02:46:03 -0500

Loveforall gravatar image

I'm so sorry for the pain you must be going through. I was actually in a similar situation myself a couple months ago, so I can understand how difficult and heartwrenching that might be. I would try to talk to someone you trust--ideally someone who knows both of your personalities and can guide you accordingly. It can be really hard to talk about these types of sensitive topics, but opening up is really important, even if it's just to release all those bottled up emotions. I agree that if someone is thinking about suicide, to be on the safe side, you have to take it seriously and inform someone (as mentioned above). However, once you can be sure they are safe and being taken care of, don't be afraid to distance yourself if that's what you need to take care of your own mental health, because don't forget that that's a priority as well. It can be very draining to have to deal with all of this, especially when you are in a relationship, so don't be afraid to take a break to reevaluate and reconnect with your own soul. That doesn't mean you don't care about the other person, it just means you are giving yourself the love and space you deserve as well, if that is what feels right for you. I obviously don't know the specifics of the situation, but remember to take care of yourself as you are going through this process.

Also, this is a very beautiful and mature sentiment: More than anything I want him to be happy with life and at peace with himself more than I want him to be mine

I hope your situation has improved, and I wish you lots of love, strength, and courage to get through this. <3

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beautiful comment, i like the piece about caring for oneself

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-02-03 03:06:02 -0500 )edit

answered 2018-02-07 17:31:00 -0500

gn gravatar image

Contact Sikh helpline if your in the UK.

You need to convince him to do things he likes so he can divert his mind from his troubles and worries.

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Asked: 2017-12-01 18:27:01 -0500

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Last updated: Feb 07 '18