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How to deal with a drinker?

asked 2017-04-21 06:17:56 -0500

searchingforpeacee gravatar image

updated 2017-04-27 16:32:31 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh.

I am in my early twenties. With Guru Ji's kirpa, I am now having a little more knowledge of Sikhism, gurbani, do's and don'ts, rehat maryada etc. May I be blessed with more. Having said that, I'm in a relationship which I'm quite serious about. My confusion arose due to his habits and doings (consuming alcohol etc). It wasn't a problem during the early stage of this relationship as I used to think that it is okay for him to be doing whatever he does as long as I'm okay with it. But now that I have gained a little more knowledge of Sikhi, I know that whatever he is doing, is forbidden in Sikhi (although I knew it earlier) and I am no longer comfortable with it.

I have tried having conversation about this with him and I'm convinced that he will not change himself any soon. All he wants is for me to accept him as how he is. I do not know how to deal with this problem. I'm confused whether to let him be as how he is, accept him as how he is and at the same time, to carry on walking on the right path given by our forefathers. Or, to actually leave him. I do love him but I'm stuck. I do not know what will be the right thing to do.

Sincerely, Confused Kaur.

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answered 2017-04-25 22:33:20 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

Well your realistic options here are that you a) stay in this relationship or b) leave this relationship. It’s always so hard to make such a big decision when we are emotionally invested and love someone. It keeps us from being objective in evaluating whether or not that’s the life you want. Let’s look at it this way, if he is like this forever, are you willing to live with him like this, raise your kids in a home with him like this (if you plan on having kids). He probably will not change simply at your pushing him to do so. Real change really comes from people’s own realizations of how their behavior is harmful. I do know a lot of people who don’t just drink but were full alcoholics who changed their lives, it does happen. But that change required something inside them, and in the meantime their spouses were really in a tough spot (miserable). So having more conversations probably wont get you many places. He’s not willing to change, now can you spend your life with him like this? Just think about this carefully because I don’t want you hanging onto the hope that he will change after you get married, or change tomorrow and if it never happens you’ll be sad and trapped. I can’t really tell you what to do. If I was you and someone told me to leave him and it turned out badly, or if someone told me to stay and it turned out badly I’d probably be mad at that person forever. It has to be your decision. It’s hard either way I think. Do ardas, get some guidance from Guru Ji in the form of a Hukamnama and you will figure this out. I can say that it is hard to walk a certain path if your partner is not on the same page. Our families are really our sangat for life.

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answered 2017-04-21 08:49:11 -0500

Not at all Punjabi gravatar image

You wish to follow Sikhism and the Rehat Maryada but at the same time you want to be with a Man who is a drunkard. Remember, the habit of drinking increases in a person with each passing year and since you have mentioned that you are pretty convinced that he will not change, so the answer lies in your question itself.

There are number of cases where due to this habit of drinking in men, womenfolk be in Joint families or Nuclear families do suffer a lot.

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Asked: 2017-04-21 06:17:56 -0500

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Last updated: Apr 27 '17