Wife passed away with cancer II

After answer form Guruka Sikh,

If you don't mind me saying, Babaji to you (Guruka Sikh) ....I can see how you can nail this on the head straight away. There is alot of anger, anger of not being well physically (I have suffering for over 32 years, with bouts of diarrhoea, ulcerative colitis. I am still suffering from this now. Then in 2005, 06, and 07 I had 3 grand mal epileptic fits on one episode i fell in the toilet hitting my head on the bathroom sink then hitting the toilet bowl. There was blood everywhere and with in a few minutes the blood had clotted and dried. I was in hospital for several days and then came back home, It was only 4 yrs after our marriage, my older son still remembers the ambulance coming and taking me away on a stretcher! He is now 13 yrs old. I don't and will never know what was going through my wife's head! She never said anything she never discussed anything. She never complained about anything. I don't know why, I have never ever forced her to do anything or even get a job etc... After this epilepsy incidents I have been several times to the hospital, and i have fainted numerous times which she was very strong to manage and keep me alive! With the illness my family , sister , brothers etc kept thinking that i have been making it up and i had several rows about their low thoughts about me. Anger has taken my life and i do control it now abit, I am more softer and understanding to the kids, fulfil their wishes and try and get them involved in Sikhi, Paath and Simran. When i was a kid my fathers business never succeeded and knowing how much my father wanted to provide us a good education etc he never succeeded. He died in an accident in 2009 when his leg got stuck in some roadside cables and a car pulled him to the floor hitting his head first, the local hospital just let him die as they said it was a heart attack even when they had promised to keep a nurse by his bedside. I dont seem to connect with anyone in my family because they are always undermining me, until my wife passed away and i just completely stopped arguing with them. I told them i am tired and cannot take it anymore! Lack of employment, money and always counting pennies has left me miserable. We (my wife and I and my son used to live with my sister but after my younger brother moved abroad from England she sublet the house, and whenever i asked her can we move in with her she would say no, 3 yrs ago when my wife has got her breast cancer diagonises and i went after biting all my pride to ask her to live with her she said no, This also probably ... (more)