Please help me what do i do?

You aren’t a bad sister! It sounds more like you were so greatly concerned and perhaps a little overprotective. That sounds like a good sister to me. Have you had a discussion with her about your problems with him? That’s important for her to make an accurate picture about him in her head (I’m assuming from your wording that she’s still with him). It is understandable that you were frustrated because it seems like you essentially thought you were losing your sister to this guy, and you didn’t think it was a good relationship.

It really is a big breech of trust for you to be so invasive and read her text messages. Firstly, I would recommend you never do that again. Those are her private messages. Can you imagine her spying on you? That’s not a nice feeling. I can understand your rationale, but it really isn’t good to break trust. Second, you also need to realize that it’s her life, and she has the right to make decisions about who she dates. A lot of older siblings tend to be like a mini-parent to their siblings. If your parents have concerns they could talk to her themselves. I can understand you want to protect her from making a mistake. You can do that by having a discussion about what you think, but ultimately it’s important you tell her that she is free to choose whatever she wants and you will stand by her no matter what. This is extremely extremely important. You stand by and love your sister no matter what- you need to both tell her and show her. This is because threatening and forcing people ends in poor outcomes. She is going to feel trapped if she is forced to break up with him because of you, and like you are making the decisions instead of her, and for the rest of her life she may wonder if it would have worked out- you will be the person she will blame. Instead, you could just express the concerns and let her choose. Let her see who he is and whether she is okay with that. If he’s really a jerk, she will need a lot of support from her family to turn to when things don’t work out. Lastly, forcing her hand, might cause her to feel like she needs to hide the relationship or bring her closer to him. Making a relationship a secret makes it even more dangerous and harder for her to get help.

Now as to what happened with the friend situation. I can totally get why you’d tell your friends. I’ve had things I’ve said to my friends because I needed to vent at the time and then later thought, wow I wish I had said nothing because its like someone is holding your secrets. A real friend is really never going to compromise their relationship and ... (more)