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what should i do now? i m shattered dont want to live anymore

asked 2016-10-17 23:50:55 -0500

rashi gravatar image

i am a hindu girl indulge in following Sikhism since childhood, i was in a relationship of 5 yrs(adultery involved) with a sikh guy of well reputed family involved in promoting sikh principles he has never been committed to me but one day he said to take it fwd i was so happy and he told in his family..... His family asked me to meet, they called me 5 times in a year(holding the decision for a year)and asked me so many questions about me and about him....and i didn't let my family know about it nobody was there with me not even that man suddenly at the last moment that man denied giving me the reason that i m not compatible and left me. I got so shattered and kept complaining that why y u cheated me if u were not compatible why have u met me so many times..., And i blamed him for using me...... I don't know what was the exact reason of dumping me like this, i loved that person a lot i have given him crucial part of my life.... He has never been bothered of i felt i have said wrong to him i have spoken sorry and tried to sort it out but he dint answered my calls...a year has been passed and i still weeping on the plea that if i have committed any mistake i m ready to say sorry for everything and he didn't even apologies for anything he has Broken a seven years relationship in a fraction of minutes without discussing anything... His family took a third party opinion regarding compatibility..... Now i don't where is he whether married or unmarried... But i still it was so unjust. Kya kade guru de bande ehoja karsakde ne? Pata ni ki hoya mennu kuj ni daseya ki family ki chahndi just said that i m not compatible with you.

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answered 2016-10-18 02:06:10 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

updated 2016-10-18 02:07:56 -0500

Hi, I’m sorry that you went through this painful experience. I can understand why you are feeling crushed and hurting given the nature of your relationship and how long it was. A sexual relationship is a really hard thing to get over if things don’t work out because it’s so intimate. So I get it when you say you gave him a crucial part of your life because you share so much more than a body. I know you love him, and you probably want him back and you miss him.

I found your post a bit confusing so apologies if I get this bit wrong. Was it just a sexual relationship (he wasn’t married) or adultery? Adultery would be a sexual relationship in which he was cheating on his wife. Either way, that’s not promoting sikh principles and wasn’t right of him to do. If he was married and willing to cheat on his wife, who says he wouldn’t cheat on you one day?

Having that uncertainty of why he left is painful, but no reason would have been an adequate explanation and maybe he knew that. Or maybe we don’t know his side of the situation and his parents are forcing his hand. Or maybe he hurts and he couldn’t just face having that conversation, it was too painful. Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to have that conversation. Guys tend to be trained in less emotional skills. Maybe he neither had the communication or emotional skills to deal with it. Maybe he was too scared to have a longer conversation because he knew he wouldn’t be able to break it off if he did. Maybe he thinks he was protecting you or doing the best for you by not telling you the reason, or he thinks that he is freeing you to be happy in the future by cutting off communication to let you move forward. We don’t know. It could be any or even all of those things or none of those. We could guess forever. The non-compatibility is an excuse for the real reason, which we don’t know. If it was a third party maybe it was some random horoscope thing which people shouldn’t be following anyways but some people ignorantly do. It’s not about something you said or did so don’t find fault within yourself, you don’t have to be sorry for HIM using you. If he isn’t interested in contacting you, bless him mentally and wish that he stays happy in whatever married or unmarried future he has for himself. That’s what he chose and you can’t do anything about that part. His mind is made up and he isn’t changing his mind. What you can do is focus on yourself. You can move forward from this and realize that you are free to find someone you really loves you and is ... (more)

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I agree with the answer. Does karma exist for such kind of ppl?

rashi arora 1111 gravatar imagerashi arora 1111 ( 2016-10-19 15:18:44 -0500 )edit

yes it does, it exists for every one of us and so what he did will come back to him in some form.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2016-10-19 20:22:54 -0500 )edit

Even though i m working i still cannot forget him, i learnt a lot good things like going gurudwara sahib listening gurbani nurturing life with good deeds all from him.Now whenever i used to go gurdwara sahib it reminds me of him, will never b able to forget him.......i can't stop going there.

rashi gravatar imagerashi ( 2016-10-20 05:05:10 -0500 )edit

don't worry moving forward doesn't require forgetting him. I can understand he brought a lot of good things into your life. Sometimes you will miss him, sometimes you will be angry. Totally normal to move through these emotions.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2016-10-20 11:38:27 -0500 )edit

so its true you won't be able to forget him, but there may come a time when he's not in all of your thoughts all of the time. does that make sense? the goal isn't forgetting. its healing and accepting whats happened.

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2016-10-20 11:41:15 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2016-10-17 23:50:55 -0500

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Last updated: Oct 18 '16