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HOW DO I DEAL WITH OVERPROTECTIVE PARENTS WHO ARE DRIVING ME INSANE?

asked 2016-10-16 02:17:29 -0500

anonymous user

Anonymous

updated 2016-10-17 10:19:33 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

I'm a 20 year old girl born and raised in London, we're all AKJ sikhs and are amritdhari.

I look at all the other Gursikhs around me, and they're allowed to go to smagams and Sikhs camps by themselves without their parents. Mine say even in Sikhi related stuff you're not allowed anywhere alone because people will talk. I'm not allowed sleep overs at my amritdhari friends houses. I can't go to the movies with anyone. I'm not allowed to go shopping by myself, my mum has to be there with me. Since I was born, I have no memory of going to a friends house just to hang out. I'm not allowed to move out to go to uni. I'm not allowed any social media, no instagram or facebook. I'm constantly miserable and depressed because they are keeping me in jail and I cant stand it! Sikhi says to respect your parents and I do, its just difficult when they act like hitler!! I'm 20 years old and have no friends because I'm not allowed out to see them and they lose interest in talking to me ! I'm going mental and I just want to run away! What should I do?

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answered 2016-10-16 04:43:30 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

updated 2016-10-16 15:46:22 -0500

I can relate. In many ways my parents raised me different than other Sikh families I know- I was always told that I’m equal to boys, i should be educated and financially dependent, don't care about what other people think, etc. But STILL they were very overprotective and had lots of expectations. I found this to be isolating because my friends, who were almost all non-sikh, didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to come over. (I can understand now that my mom was overprotective due to some things that happened to me when I was a little kid but I didn’t find that out until recently.) Still it doesn’t take away the fact that it was really hard being different than everyone else, not allowed to do what they were doing. Things changed for me because I ended up being on my own for two yrs. I developed a sense of independence and knew i could survive and do well on my own. When I moved back with my parents I had problems again and I had several conversations saying that I need my space, I need to be able to make my own decisions in my life, and that I love them but I also want to establish my own life. It was painful and very hard and lots of crying but I needed to do it because I needed them to understand. It solved a lot and they did give me the space and said that they would love me no matter what even if i didn't make the decisions that they wanted me to make because it was my choice to make them. That was hard, i've always looked upon them for approval and if they didn't agree i used to just give in to what they wanted for me because i figured they are older and know better and really i thought they wouldn't love and support me if I didnt do what they want. So talking about it really changed things but it was also my increased confidence in my independence. I made quite a few decisions that they didn't agree with but were the best for me and worked out great and i think that helped me gain some confidence in myself. I'm not totally "free" like some people are. My phone has a GPS app that the whole family uses to see where each other is, and i'm not supposed to be out too late because my parents literally always will stay up to make sure i got home and they don't want to be waiting up for hours just for me to me home. I get that there really are a lot of girls that go missing in my town and they are scared something is going to happen to me. They have seen me really hurt in the past and its hard for them to bear seeing ... (more)

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answered 2016-10-18 16:34:23 -0500

gn gravatar image

Vaheuguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

Benji, you should try and get a someone to talk to your parents as they are more likely to listen to them. If you live close to Southall you should go to the English Katha they have everyday Sunday, and maybe get Bhai Jagraj Singh to talk to your parents. They also have a Q&A after so bring you parents with you and try to slip in your questions.

You have to look at it from your parent's view as well, due to Sikh girls being targeted by groomers. Why don't you sit down and tell your parents that your feeling depressed and need some social interaction. Try to get them to let you hang out with Gursikhs, but you really need to explain how it is mentally putting strain on you.

I just graduated and I live and went to uni in London, I'm kinda of glad that I didn't live out as I would be in more debt. But there are benefits of moving out.

Just try and resolve these problems quickly because I know how feels to get into mental problems and it is not easy getting out.

Bul chuk maf

Sat Sri Akaal

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Asked: 2016-10-16 02:17:29 -0500

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Last updated: Oct 18 '16