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Sounds like you are struggling to move forward with your life because your past is pulling you back and making you feel bad about yourself. I hated myself too. Two things helped me the most: counselling; and meeting inspiring sangat so I started doing simran. I cut out the people in my life who continued to pull me down and brought in the very very few people who reminded me that the purpose of my life is to meet God, and that means I have to love myself because God is inside me. Now I know that just telling you that doesn't help. If I had told myself that a few months ago, it wouldn't have changed the way I FELT inside. I'm hoping by telling you this you at least know that it is possible to get over that feeling. The person you were isn't the person you are today, don't let your past define you. You can't go back in time and tell yourself or teach yourself what you didn't know. When we look back, things are distorted in our minds. We tend to think "why did I do that. I should have done this instead." But that's using the knowledge and skills we have today. God forgives all of us, we are all worthy of His love and forgiveness. You don't need to punish yourself by continually hating yourself, denying yourself love and happiness. We are continually renewing ourselves, we learn more each day and we can't define ourselves by yesterday's mistakes.