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I do not know if I can help you but I will only talk from my experience.

I've also started med school awhile back and when I did attend it was very hard.

Being in a brown family, being compared to others is a tool used by parents and family to succeed in our parents direction in lack of better tools and understanding. But seeing that you've seen the consequence, the results can be disastrous.

I like this video clip that talks about comparison (see the whole video when you have time for it, but I personally disagree about his views on education and being a gujju just because of lack of education).

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YouTube Video - Titanic Lessons from a 100 year old Disaster

Supreet Sachdeva - There were three ships which were nearby when the Titanic sunk. One of them was known as the Sampson. It was 7 miles away from the Titanic and they saw the white flares signaling danger, but because the crew had been hunting seals illegally and didn’t want to be caught, they turned and went the opposite direction away from the Titanic. This ship represents us and people like us if we are so busy looking inward at our own sin and lives that we can’t recognize when someone else... is in need. The next ship was the Californian. This ship was only 14 miles away from the Titanic, but they were surrounded by ice fields and the captain looked out and saw the white flares, but because the conditions weren’t favorable and it was dark, he decided to go back to bed and wait until morning. The crew tried to convince themselves that nothing was happening. This ship represents those of us who say I can’t do anything now. The conditions aren’t right for it and so we wait until conditions are perfect before going out. The last ship was the Carpathia. This ship was actually headed in a southern direction 58 miles away from the Titanic when they heard the distress cries over the radio. The captain of this ship knelt down, prayed to God for direction and then turned the ship around and went full steam ahead through the ice fields. This was the ship that saved the 705 survivors of the Titanic. When the captain looked back at the ice fields they had come through, he said Someone else's hands must have been at the helm of this ship! This ship represents those who would pray to God for direction and then go without hesitation. +++ Life whispers in your soul and speaks to your heart. We need to take time to listen to these whispers and take heed.

You said that your average was 90's before university. Then University came and everything became hard. You also said you have lack of confidence was affecting your studies.

According to "Study Skills" literature it is a symptom of bad study skills. For example, to succeed in university you need 3 things.

  1. Is your god given natural skills that you were born with.
  2. Is your confidence and attitude towards studying.
  3. Is your study skills.

nr 1. you can not affect so much I think but Nr 3 and Nr 2 are very affected by each other.

Increasing nr 3 is the easiest you can do to get better confidence in your attitude towards studying. In your mind right now, what is going is self fulfilling prophecies.

You think you will fail your test, in your mind you can see how dissapointed your parents are at you and how your family will talk smack back at you and you will imagine yourself going down this negative spiral and when you take the test, you won't be so suprised about it when you actually failed it.

So how to stop this negative trend?

First let's talk about your study skills? There are good resources available like this for example.

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Youtube Video - How To Study - The Keys To Acing School & College

Next is your lack of confidence. According to this article: there are 5 ways to gain it back.

Please read it because this text is already getting 2 long but it consists of this meditation.

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YouTube Video - Meditation for Self-Esteem

Also I want you to try this meditation.

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YouTube Video - Kirtan Kriya Meditation

And lastly these 2 videos talks about on how to master the meditations and how to keep up chardi kala and your spirits up high! Although it is the first video's creator wish that you see the whole video when you have time for it.

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YouTube Video - How to take small steps and keep up!

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Now remember penji, the cyber sangat is always there for the guru's siblings!

If you have any questions about any of these please reply.

By the way about the black magic thing. I do not personally buy it. But even if I did buy it, watch these videos:

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YouTube Video - What does Sikhi say about Black Magic?

Good luck WJKK WJKF /Cloud