Ask Your Question

Revision history [back]

click to hide/show revision 1
initial version

Dear Singhni, I am so sorry to hear that you were raped and I want to tell you first off, that it wasn’t your fault, that you are a valuable human being with a pure soul, and you are really strong for making it through this. You are not alone- there are a lot of girls who have gone through this. I wanted to say thank you for sharing it with us because I know it can be hard to trust someone after you have been raped. As a survivor you should not be blamed- do not let anyone tell you that this was your fault- someone else chose to rape you. Do not let your mind tell you that you could have changed things. If you are afraid of being believed, know that God believes you and that no one else’s opinon matters. I know how hard it can be to deal with going to the police. To an outsider who hasn’t lived this, it seems like the obvious and just thing to do, and therefore it seems easy to them. I know its very hard. On one hand it is important to your safety, and the safety of other people that you go to the police and stop this man from doing it to others- he needs to know it was wrong and let justice be served. It can also provide closure. Its hard to talk about. Its hard to tell someone- I congratulate you on being able to talk to the police. Its hard to accept that it’s a part of your life, that it happened. There is the fear of revenge, there is the fear of what will people think, and whether or not they will blame you and make you feel worse about it. Its hard for people to understand that the process of filing a report with the police and getting “justice” can re-traumatize the victim. You re-live the experience when you talk about it. It can be a long process and you may not feel suppored, on top of the fact that privacy is an issue. I don’t know which country you are writing from, but even here in Canada we have a low conviction rate. So I understand that you chose to drop the case. I am hoping that you did not suffer any physical consequences as a result of the rape (pregnancy, STD, etc.). Mentally, being raped can lead to anxiety, depression, and PTSD. I cannot speak to how your family and in-laws will react as I am not in your shoes. A lot of people have stereotypes about rape. As a victim you do not deserve people telling you that you should be disowned for this. You are still a respectable woman. You are still a human being with a pure soul. Maybe he touched your body, but the soul is still gold. Remember that. I would hope that they would be understanding and prioritize your health and healing above all else but I know that in real life this isn’t always true and there are families that can make things worse so Im not going to push you, its your decision. Are there ways for you to get help dealing with this by not talking to your family? Again, I don’t know where you are but do you have access to confidential services like counseling or seeing a doctor about this? At least then you can share the burden of the pain because it sounds like “I have lived with it all my life” that it has taken a big toll on your life. Doctors can often organize the counseling, etc. Forget what the person wrote about there not being help. There is help, there is hope. Try to find it in God if there is no one else. Release the pain to Him.