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reading your story gave me goosebumps. .... :| all I can do is pray for you. I know generally on this site we all give the same answer, read bani. but the thing is, this situation, you can try to develop a closer relationship to god, so you feel more secure taking the decisions you take. having a close relationship to god is like a protective shield. just decide, and trust me god will help u.

you need to get away, your mom i don't even know what to say... :| you deserve to live with happiness and dignity, get away from them, do an ardaas every single day. clean your consciousness and start a new life.

i am really sorry that I don't even know what to say. but any situation good or bad, we have to turn to god, our only friend. because our man (mind) might be attached to something bad, something that prevents growth. the thing is even if u try to please them, you will never be able to. you can't please people and you can't make others happy at all. so should you even try? just pray to god, have a clear conscious. and move away.

try to stabilize your self financially (get a job) + pray about it with confidence and hopefully one day it will fall into place. please do try to get guidance from someone(seek it out, in reality or online) maybe you can even email the site's administrator (Mr guruka singh, he is amazing), can't you get a loan and go to uni? get an education, live! but have the courage to do so as well. your mom just is scared but U have to have courage. (indian society is kind of stupid) find strength, trust me it will get better, when you hit rock bottom there is only one way, : UP!

(a little story, these farmers basically had no rain and wanted it to rain, and they went to a sadhu, and asked him can you make it rain?, he said well did u bring umbrellas?, (something like that) point is if you are gonna ask for something basically be confident that your wishes will come true, make sure that your intentions are true and pure.

You can have defeatist attitude and stay low, or you can elevate. and it takes courage even to share something like this. as i mentioned above call guruka singh, or any one you trust in real life.

I hope the best for you, please take care.