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Developing hatred towards god means hatred towards yourself. Bani at amritvela is not a cash bank, it is simply food for soul. And tapping into the rhythm of bani gives you bliss. Bliss gives you steadiness and that improves your life. but i guess not all people reach that stage at first, so not blaming you, you cant even force that stage. Can't even tell you what to do. :/ cuz u might not even care.

But here it is "sell your mind to guru" and everything that is going to come to you, it will.