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Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh

You are not the worst Amritdhaari ever and neither the best...Yet. A mistake has been made and you realize this. This is good, because it shows that something is not right in the mind.

Kaam is a very powerful thief who will destroy your will power through temptation, desire, feeling of wanting to.. etc etc. Kaam is right at the top of the 5 Thieves who will take you away from GOD. They are EVIL because they will not let you LIVE.

I cannot comment a great deal because my discipline is not 100% I am not amritdhari yet.

When the mind gets a thought that thought will stay in the mind together with all other thoughts. The eyes see what the mind desires, the body wishes to feel the experience, the mind is satisfied and the thought grows. Energy is given to these thoughts of sexual desire and the mind gets carried.....away so much so you become consumed in these thoughts because it is all pleasing to the MIND which is every cell and molecule throughout the whole body! The mind is not in your HEAD only!!

Please do not hate yourself, no one hates you here. The human being requires male and female connection, just not through these ways. Kaam just like Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Hankar must be kept under tight control otherwise they WILL control YOU.

Everyone's comments on here are all to help you, but ultimately you have to start doing what you are not doing. The mind is extremely powerful and very unstable you MUST always keep it under control and this can take time, years in fact. We have been given all the tools by our great Gurus and our eternal GURU stands strong and firm. So must we. Nothing is EASY in life otherwise how will we know what is HARD! We all struggle through life, it is part of the process. We all make mistakes and being amritdhaari does not mean you will never make a mistake. There must be some Amritdhaari out there who have made far more severe mistakes ok point taken you should not have done what you did but you did it regardless of earlier experiences which may have triggered this thought into becoming action. In future any thoughts which enter your mind that you KNOW will ROB you of your will power must.. MUST be cut of straight away otherwise they will linger in the mind and keep on harassing you until you give in to YOUR MIND.

Take care, stay STRONG and NEVER GIVE UP to become a TRUE KHALSA. Waheguru.....Satnaam