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Sat Nam,

I translated your question, and I will answer it in English. From what I gather, you had a "sexual relation" with someone which has caused you much guilt and sadness, and you feel as though you let down your family so much that you are tired of life. You love God and since childhood your parents have prayed for your safekeeping and that you would be spared from temptation. Now you wish to re-establish your relationship with your parents.

Understand that you committed a wrong, many wrongs as your title states, but that does not mean that the world is over and that life is over. Punjabi parents have a way of scolding their children that makes it seem as though there is no return, but take that as a tactic used so that you don't ever do it again. You are not a bad person. You just happened to do something that was a big mistake. What to do now? You must forgive yourself. You must look at what you did and LEARN from it. So you had a sexual relation, you slept with someone and broke promises you made to your parents (and maybe yourself). Instead of beating yourself up about it, reaffirm your vow to never do it again until it is in the right context. I am going to make a guess and say that you are a girl (from the word "rehni"). In that case, value your body and yourself enough not to give yourself to any man unless he commits himself to you (marries you). A man who really loves you is going to act like a banda and wait until you are married to each other to have sex with you.

For now, you must begin to set things straight. Go to gurdwara and take a hukamnama, meditate, and the answer will come to you. Do not underestimate that it is very hard for a girl to have this "mark" on her in our culture, and that there are sure to be people who will talk. What you need to do is to make sure that you stay on the right track. Just ignore what they say and keep going forwards. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your discipline make your parents trust you again. What you should do is talk to your parents very openly and honestly. It is important that you hear what they have to say, and what their concerns are. Make sure they are listening to you, and let them know that you understand that you made a mistake. You seem young, and things like this happen to even the most careful of people. Take steps to avoid putting yourself in a situation where unwanted sex is possible. If you were in love, try to look back at the situation and see where it went off track.

My personal concern is whether or not you are unharmed, and if you are pregnant or not. If you had unprotected sex, try to see a doctor or family-planning clinic which can check to see if your body is alright. This is very important if you feel like you might have had the chance of getting pregnant.

Life has many challenges. That's the fact. You are not a bad person. You made a mistake and are willing to change your ways. That is a blessing, which I hope you act on. But please do the things listed above and ask older women you trust who will put aside their judgment for you. Seek and you shall find your answer.

May God and Guru protect you, and may your purity be your greatest asset. And may you one day receive a man who will honor and respect the lioness you are. Bless you, and please write if you have any more questions.

Sat Nam,

I translated your question, and I will answer it in English. From what I gather, you had a "sexual relation" with someone which has caused you much guilt and sadness, and you feel as though you let down your family so much that you are tired of life. You love God and since childhood your parents have prayed for your safekeeping and that you would be spared from temptation. Now you wish to re-establish your relationship with your parents.

Understand that you committed a wrong, many wrongs as your title states, but that does not mean that the world is over and that life is over. Punjabi parents have a way of scolding their children that makes it seem as though there is no return, but take that as a tactic used so that you don't ever do it again. You are not a bad person. You just happened to do something that was a big mistake. What to do now? You must forgive yourself. You must look at what you did and LEARN from it. So you had a sexual relation, you slept with someone and broke promises you made to your parents (and maybe yourself). Instead of beating yourself up about it, reaffirm your vow to never do it again until it is in the right context. I am going to make a guess and say that you are a girl (from the word "rehni"). In that case, value your body and yourself enough not to give yourself to any man unless he commits himself to you (marries you). A man who really loves you is going to act like a banda and wait until you are married to each other to have sex with you.

For now, you must begin to set things straight. Go to gurdwara and take a hukamnama, meditate, and the answer will come to you. Do not underestimate that it is very hard for a girl to have this "mark" on her in our culture, and that there are sure to be people who will talk. What you need to do is to make sure that you stay on the right track. Just ignore what they say and keep going forwards. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your discipline make your parents trust you again. What you should do is talk to your parents very openly and honestly. It is important that you hear what they have to say, and what their concerns are. Make sure they are listening to you, and let them know that you understand that you made a mistake. You seem young, and things like this happen to even the most careful of people. Take steps to avoid putting yourself in a situation where unwanted sex is possible. If you were in love, try to look back at the situation and see where it went off track.

My personal concern is whether or not you are unharmed, and if you are pregnant or not. If you had unprotected sex, try to see a doctor or family-planning clinic which can check to see if your body is alright. This is very important if you feel like you might have had the chance of getting pregnant.

Life has many challenges. That's the fact. You are not a bad person. You made a mistake and are willing to change your ways. That is a blessing, which I hope you act on. But please do the things listed above and ask older women you trust who will put aside their judgment for you. Seek and you shall find your answer.

May God and Guru protect you, and may your purity be your greatest asset. And may you one day receive a man who will honor and respect the lioness you are. Bless you, and please write if you have any more questions.

Edit:

Thank you for further details. You may disregard any advice that does not fit into your situation. The same approach applies. You must forgive yourself. There is no formula, but it will involve begging for mafi from yourself. Guru already forgives you. He is waiting for you to forgive yourself. It is hard for me to answer given where you live, but you have to try to find out a way to regain their trust. Do Naam Simran, go to gurdwara and keep on giving your pain to the Guru. Once He takes it, it will be a matter of time before things start to straighten themselves out. It would be ideal if someone who lives in India/similar cultural context would respond to this post. They could give you more details that I don't think I can. God bless you.

Sat Nam,

I translated your question, and I will answer it in English. From what I gather, you had a "sexual relation" with someone which has caused you much guilt and sadness, and you feel as though you let down your family so much that you are tired of life. You love God and since childhood your parents have prayed for your safekeeping and that you would be spared from temptation. Now you wish to re-establish your relationship with your parents.parents. EDIT: This translation was not entirely correct, so the proceeding answer only answers the proposed translation. SEE BELOW

Understand that you committed a wrong, many wrongs as your title states, but that does not mean that the world is over and that life is over. Punjabi parents have a way of scolding their children that makes it seem as though there is no return, but take that as a tactic used so that you don't ever do it again. You are not a bad person. You just happened to do something that was a big mistake. What to do now? You must forgive yourself. You must look at what you did and LEARN from it. So you had a sexual relation, you slept with someone and broke promises you made to your parents (and maybe yourself). Instead of beating yourself up about it, reaffirm your vow to never do it again until it is in the right context. I am going to make a guess and say that you are a girl (from the word "rehni"). In that case, value your body and yourself enough not to give yourself to any man unless he commits himself to you (marries you). A man who really loves you is going to act like a banda and wait until you are married to each other to have sex with you.

For now, you must begin to set things straight. Go to gurdwara and take a hukamnama, meditate, and the answer will come to you. Do not underestimate that it is very hard for a girl to have this "mark" on her in our culture, and that there are sure to be people who will talk. What you need to do is to make sure that you stay on the right track. Just ignore what they say and keep going forwards. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your discipline make your parents trust you again. What you should do is talk to your parents very openly and honestly. It is important that you hear what they have to say, and what their concerns are. Make sure they are listening to you, and let them know that you understand that you made a mistake. You seem young, and things like this happen to even the most careful of people. Take steps to avoid putting yourself in a situation where unwanted sex is possible. If you were in love, try to look back at the situation and see where it went off track.

My personal concern is whether or not you are unharmed, and if you are pregnant or not. If you had unprotected sex, try to see a doctor or family-planning clinic which can check to see if your body is alright. This is very important if you feel like you might have had the chance of getting pregnant.

Life has many challenges. That's the fact. You are not a bad person. You made a mistake and are willing to change your ways. That is a blessing, which I hope you act on. But please do the things listed above and ask older women you trust who will put aside their judgment for you. Seek and you shall find your answer.

May God and Guru protect you, and may your purity be your greatest asset. And may you one day receive a man who will honor and respect the lioness you are. Bless you, and please write if you have any more questions.

Edit:

Thank you for further details. You may disregard any advice that does not fit into your situation. The same approach applies. You must forgive yourself. There is no formula, but it will involve begging for mafi from yourself. Guru already forgives you. He is waiting for you to forgive yourself. It is hard for me to answer given where you live, but you have to try to find out a way to regain their trust. Do Naam Simran, go to gurdwara and keep on giving your pain to the Guru. Once He takes it, it will be a matter of time before things start to straighten themselves out. It would be ideal if someone who lives in India/similar cultural context would respond to this post. They could give you more details that I don't think I can. God bless you.

Sat Nam,EDIT: Revised Answer:

I translated Thank you for going into more detail. I am very sorry that I misinterpreted your question, and previous query. I took some time and wrote out what I believe is a rough sketch of what you asked. Please do correct me if I am wrong.

I wish to tell this in great detail so you could give me the correct advice. I was in a sexual relationship four years ago…at that time I lived in South India. My brother and dad were class one officers. My parents place a lot of trust into Waheguru and believe that unless Waheguru ji wishes it, they cannot do anything, although they begged/prayed from their hearts. I have done paaat since childhood and have put my entire belief into Waheguru. But even then I committed a big mistake. I lie/lied a lot to my parents. I’ve come to realize that from now on that I could not stop this…I did a lot of ardas in front of Waheguru, that He may put me on a straight (clean) path, but maybe because I lied to my parents so much, that’s why God isn’t listening to me. I am preparing for study in Civils. Even by now I haven’t been pre-cleared even after all that effort I spent on it. My father treats me as a son and puts more trust in me than in my brother. The last time I gave the [test] to be pre-cleared, I didn’t pass, but I lied tremendously to my dad that it did pass. So much so that day and night I pray that maybe I will answer it in English. From what I gather, you had a "sexual relation" with someone which be cleared (for the test). Seeing their trust has caused you much me to feel guilt/worry that nothing is in my hands. I even threw their honor into dirt (but my sexual relationship, no one knows of it). How can I fix my mistakes? How can I beg for forgiveness from Waheguru so that He may forgive me, that the hopes and dreams of my mummy and my daddy can be fulfilled and so I can be helped?

Okay. I believe this warrants a new answer. You are suffering from guilt and sadness, and you feel as though you let down your family so much that you are tired of life. You love God and since childhood the constant anxiety that extends from the lies you know you told your parents to make them happy. And because of that stress, the "bad" deeds you did in the past are weighing heavily on your heart. You committed a mistake, but the first step to progress has already been done. You have prayed for acknowledged your safekeeping and that you mistakes and are ashamed that you lied, but now have to get out of it. Put down the sham and tell your parents the truth. Are you afraid of what they will say, that you will break their trust and burden them even more? That has already been done, but to fix it, you have to talk with them, and let them know. I used to be so afraid of what my dad would think about exam scores, that I lied to him for a long time. It was only after I could not take it anymore, and told him, that I realized that it was way better to tell the truth than to hide behind far-fetched hopes and fears.

Continue to do ardas to Waheguru ji, but listen to what He is saying to you. The Guru is telling you to tell the truth--that's why you feel so stressed out. Waheguru ji already forgives you, dear girl! He is waiting for you to forgive yourself. You will fix your mistakes by being honest with yourself.

All parents hope that their babies will be spared from temptation. Now you wish to re-establish your relationship with your parents. EDIT: This translation was not entirely correct, so the proceeding answer only answers the proposed translation. SEE BELOW

Understand that you committed a wrong, many wrongs as your title states, but that does not mean that the world is over and that life is over. Punjabi parents temptation and will have a way of scolding their children that makes it seem as though there easy lives, but sometimes challenges arise. There is no return, but take that as a tactic used so that you don't ever do it again. You are not a bad person. You just happened to do something that was a big mistake. What to do now? You must forgive yourself. You must shame for making a mistake, but you have to look at what you did and LEARN from it. So you had a sexual relation, you slept with someone and broke promises you made to forwards and LEARN. It might be hard for your parents (and maybe yourself). Instead of beating yourself up about it, reaffirm your vow to never to understand, but no matter what, live by what you learn. SHOW them that you can do it again until it is in the right context. I am going to make a guess and say that better. Do NOT feel like you are a girl (from the word "rehni"). In that case, value your body and yourself enough not to give yourself to any man unless he commits himself to you (marries you). A man who really loves you is going to act like a banda and wait until you are married to each other to have sex with you. bad person, and keep messing up. It's hard, but you HAVE to learn.

For now, you must begin to set things straight. Go to gurdwara and take a hukamnama, meditate, and the answer will come to you. Do not underestimate that it Pre-engineering is very hard for a girl to lot of people. My dad had to take two extra years at Punjab University before he went to GNE engineering college in Ludhihana. His older brother was a Brigadier in the Indian Army and had to take two years of Math before he became a civil engineer (the year before he was to go to med school, there was a strike). He went on to work as a head engineer for the renovations to Bombay International Airport. No one gets there easily, but you have this "mark" to keep trying on her in our culture, and that there are sure to be people who will talk. What you need to do is to make sure that you stay on the right track. Just ignore what they say and keep going forwards. Let your actions speak louder than your words. Let your discipline make your parents trust you again. What you should do is talk to your parents very openly and honestly. It is important that you hear what they have to say, and what their concerns are. Make sure exams. It's a parents' job to scold and remind you about izzat, but they are listening to you, and let them know that you understand that you made a mistake. You seem young, and things like this happen to even the most careful of people. Take steps to avoid putting yourself in a situation where unwanted sex is possible. If you were in love, try to look back at the situation and see where doing it went off track.for your pallah.

My personal concern is whether or not you are unharmed, and if you are pregnant or not. If you had unprotected sex, try to see a doctor or family-planning clinic which can check to see if your body is alright. This is very important if you feel like you might have had the chance of getting pregnant.

Life has many challenges. That's the fact. You are not a bad person. You made a mistake and are willing to change your ways. That is a blessing, which I hope you act on. But please do the things listed above and ask older women you trust who will put aside their judgment for you. Seek and you shall find your answer.

May God and Guru protect you, and may your purity be your greatest asset. And may you one day receive a man who will honor and respect the lioness you are. Bless you, and please write if you have any more questions.

Edit:

Thank you for further details. You may disregard any advice that does not fit into your situation. The same approach applies. You must forgive yourself. There is no formula, but it will involve begging for mafi from yourself. Guru already forgives you. He is waiting for you to forgive yourself. It is hard for me to answer given where you live, but you have to try to find out a way to regain their trust. Do Naam Simran, go to gurdwara and keep on giving your pain to the Guru. Once He takes it, it will be a matter of time before things start to straighten themselves out. It would be ideal if someone who lives in India/similar cultural context would respond to this post. They could give you more details that I don't think I can. God bless you. you, you can do this. Waheguru ji is listening, don't worry. But are you listening?

EDIT: Revised Answer:

Thank you for going into more detail. I am very sorry that I misinterpreted your previous query. I took some time and wrote out what I believe is a rough sketch of what you asked. Please do correct me if I am wrong.

I wish to tell this in great detail so you could give me the correct advice. I was in a sexual relationship four years ago…at that time I lived in South India. My brother and dad were class one officers. My parents place a lot of trust into Waheguru and believe that unless Waheguru ji wishes it, they cannot do anything, although they begged/prayed from their hearts. I have done paaat since childhood and have put my entire belief into Waheguru. But even then I committed a big mistake. I lie/lied a lot to my parents. I’ve come to realize that from now on that I could not stop this…I did a lot of ardas in front of Waheguru, that He may put me on a straight (clean) path, but maybe because I lied to my parents so much, that’s why God isn’t listening to me. I am preparing for study in Civils. Even by now I haven’t been pre-cleared even after all that effort I spent on it. My father treats me as a son and puts more trust in me than in my brother. The last time I gave the [test] to be pre-cleared, I didn’t pass, but I lied tremendously to my dad that it did pass. So much so that day and night I pray that maybe I will be cleared (for the test). Seeing their trust has caused me to feel guilt/worry that nothing is in my hands. I even threw their honor into dirt (but my sexual relationship, no one knows of it). How can I fix my mistakes? How can I beg for forgiveness from Waheguru so that He may forgive me, that the hopes and dreams of my mummy and my daddy can be fulfilled and so I can be helped?

Okay. I believe this warrants a new answer. You are suffering from guilt and the constant anxiety that extends from the lies you know you told your parents to make them happy. And because of that stress, the "bad" deeds you did in the past are weighing heavily on your heart. You committed a mistake, but the first step to progress has already been done. You have acknowledged your mistakes and are ashamed that you lied, but now have to get out of it. Put down the sham and tell your parents the truth. Are you afraid of what they will say, that you will break their trust and burden them even more? That has already been done, but to fix it, you have to talk with them, and let them know. I used to be so afraid of what my dad would think about exam scores, that I lied to him for a long time. It was only after I could not take it anymore, and told him, that I realized that it was way better to tell the truth than to hide behind far-fetched hopes and fears.

Continue to do ardas to Waheguru ji, but listen to what He is saying to you. The Guru is telling you to tell the truth--that's why you feel so stressed out. Waheguru ji already forgives you, dear girl! He is waiting for you to forgive yourself. You will fix your mistakes by being honest with yourself.

All parents hope that their babies will be spared from temptation and will have easy lives, but sometimes challenges arise. There is no shame for making a mistake, but you have to look forwards and LEARN. It might be hard for your parents to understand, but no matter what, live by what you learn. SHOW them that you can do better. Do NOT feel like you are a bad person, and keep messing up. It's hard, but you HAVE to learn.

Pre-engineering is very hard for a lot of people. My dad had to take two extra years at Punjab University before he went to GNE engineering college in Ludhihana. His older brother was a Brigadier in the Indian Army and had to take two years of Math before he became a civil engineer (the year before he was to go to med school, there was a strike). He went on to work as a head engineer for the renovations to Bombay International Airport. No one gets there easily, but you have to keep trying on your exams. Maybe Civils is not for you, and you would be a better medical student, teacher, or something else. Don't be afraid to look at other options if the exams are getting too hard. It's a parents' job to scold and remind you about izzat, but they are doing it for your pallah.

God bless you, you can do this. Waheguru ji is listening, don't worry. But are you listening?