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Sat Sri Akal, I'm so sorry to hear about your dilemma. Please see your doctor (or go to the nearest Emergency Room) and therapist immediately if you are having suicidal thoughts, you may need to have your medications/therapy adjusted. Please continue to read Gurbani and remember God, that is the best way to wash out your karma. If you can, start volunteering and doing sewa for those who are less fortunate, it may help put things into perspective. I'm not sure what your background is, but their are people around the world who struggle everyday for food, water, clothing and shelter. Be thankful if you're not one of them. Thousands of innocent people are killed in wars. Be thankful if you don't have to worry about this. Count your blessings and bond with your family and friends. All the best.