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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh, Bhenji, I would like to validate your pain. What you are experiencing is completely valid and is ok to experience. There is no answer anyone can give you to ease your pain or to guide you in this dark time. The only thing that I think could potentially help is to reach out as you have to the Youth Q & A forum to see if Sangat has more resources in your geographic area. Whether it is resources for mental health support or for resources to local Sangat who have more expertise than I to guide you, please continue to reach out Bhenji.
Important numbers to reach out for help in the USA, Canada, UK, Australia, and India:
USA: NAMI Help Line 1-800-950-NAMI
Canada:1-855-242-3310
UK: 116 123 (NHS Line)
Australia: 13 11 14
India: A number was not available when I tried to find one, someone please help with this if you are able.