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"Karn karaavan aape aap". He causes you to do things, everything happens according to his will. Whatever you have done is done in his will as well so do not feel that guilty about it. However, just do ardaas to god and if you feel ashamed of what you did, then simply ask for strength to not do that again. Things are hard in life, no one promised that it will be easy but we must push through. Sikhi isn't easy either but there are no superstitions in sikhi and no "pun or paap", just stay in god's hukam and take accountability for what you do. Keep trying and one day you will succeed. Bhul chuk muaf.