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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh veer ji,

First of all, I'm no philosopher or very wise so please forgive me if the "advice" I'm trying to offer is ridiculous. You said that you did it in a gurudwara but hey our guru ji is everywhere, watching. Sajanda mera Sajanda nikat khaloeda mera sajanda and kar kar vekhe sirjanhar, nanak sache ki sachi kar. Now, he knows about why and where you did it, he himself allowed you do to so and he himself knows the reasons. He himself is the one at guilt and the one giving forgiveness. Yes ofcourse, what you did is not a great deed but remember "sajan thag" was a man who use to kill people for money, yet, guru nanak dev ji led him in the right direction and he then became a good man. The point isn't how big your mistake is, the point is, accepting it and being ready to change and learn from it. Satgur sabna da bhala manaida.

Suicide is never the option, and it takes away your chance of helping humankind. Who knows, maybe god led you to this so you can change in a some ways, just accept what has happened, and try to move on. Don't see guru ji as a human but god, there's no one as kind and forgiving as him, you're his sweet child, he will forgive you if ask for it. Just, from now on, try to follow guru granth sahib ji.

**jau pai ham na paap kara(n)taa ahe ana(n)taa || If I did not commit any sins, O Infinite Lord,

patit paavan naam kaise hu(n)taa ||1|| rahaau || how would You have acquired the name, 'Redeemer of sinners'? ||1||Pause||* - ang 93.*

Trust me, you seem like a great person and someone ready to acquire the new good life ahead. Don't give up, sing the kirtan of god, follow guru ji's teachings and who knows, maybe you'll even be liberated. Swas Swas simro gobind, man antar ki utre chint. Bhul Chuk Muaf karni ji.