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Sat Sri Akal Bhenji. I’m really sorry to hear about what happened with your marriage. I am relieved that you were able to get away. I think we all think that it cannot happen to us, but in fact could be any of us, so I can understand your situation. I think that it is a good idea to step away from this group, as you are right about Sikhs not believing in people being supreme powers. You can still take some of your learnings from there though. For example it sounds like you learned some techniques like foot-soaking which may help you sleep. You can continue these things that help you to destress. I’m not sure what type of meditation you were doing in front of the picture, but how about trying to replace with meditation of God (Naam Japna) instead. Sit with your eyes closed in a comfortable location and say Wahe-guru out loud. You can even put on some Simran from youtube in the background to help you focus, which varies from slow/relaxing, to more fast and upbeat depending on how you would like to listen. And focus on your voice. I think your mind is tricking you into thinking you need this “Nirmala Devi picture”, but you don’t. The path of God and of Sikhi is enough if you devote yourself fully. Guru Nanak Dev Ji told us that idol worship will not help us. Follow the path of God through good times and bad times alike and do Ardas to Waheguru to help you through this time. I don’t know what your daily life looks like so sorry if you are already doing some of these things, but I wanted to make suggestions. Sitting in sangat, listening to or doing kirtan, etc. can also really help. Try reading kirtan sohila at bedtime as well. If you continue to face depression you can also seek some counselling, especially since you were abused it might help to talk about what happened with someone trained in that area. God will surely help you Bhenji but the doubt in your mind is a barrier. You have to trust this path.