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I am so sorry you are in this situation. I am sending you my love. Places that can help you with resources including women’s shelters (there are a lot of them) and even the police can help you find resources (even if you don’t want to press charges against him which is your right to do). It is very hard to understand how the person we love can hurt us so much. Sometimes when people treat us inconsistently we have hope that they will treat us better next time. I have a friend who works in this field and she says every woman who goes through domestic violence think that it could always have been worse, even though it was really bad already. I think you are so brave to share your story and ask for help. A lot of women who go through these situations do still feel love towards the person that hurt them. It is part of that cycle of abuse that keeps people going back. But you deserve so much more, I promise you. Do you have any friends, anyone at the Gurdwara that can help you? try to find a place in a shelter and they might be able to help you to find a job. We cannot say why he did this. It has nothing to do with you and it was not your fault. Love shouldn't hurt and it doesn't have to hurt.