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Hey, it’s okay, keep working at it. Remind yourself you made a commitment and now take small steps everyday to get to where you would like to be. Have you tried going away to camps or meeting new sangat? It can be very inspirational and help you revive that love for Sikhi to see other people who are passionate about it. I don’t know if your fear of crowds may get in the way though. I can’t say much about the fear of crowds except that for many fears, exposure therapy helps and has helped me overcome some of my fears. Where you basically start off just thinking about the thing you are afraid of and learn to manage the anxiety of thinking about it. Then you slowly build up say to spending time around a couple of people, then going to the Gurdwara when it’s not busy/empty. Then combine the above. I don’t think you made a wrong choice, it just maybe wasn’t a choice that you were ready to make at that time and you made it not knowing the level of responsibility required. That’s okay. Now you do know what is required, and just slowly work on it. It’ll take time and it won’t happen overnight but you can do it. Don’t despair that you aren’t there yet. Work on one thing at a time. No one is perfect, we are all working on our weaknesses. So choose a goal. Your goal could be for example, that you are going to start with doing a little bit of simran each day, or do Japji each day. Then you can build up. Or start doing sewa. A Sikh is a learner. Just keep trying to learn each day. I think that the guilt of not being who you think you are supposed to be is hurting you right now. Accept yourself for where you are right now instead of where you need to be. Sikhi is very functional. It applies to our life. So find lines from the Guru Granth Sahib that motivate you and write them down. Or try to understand the meaning of the prayers instead of just reading them. You aren’t alone in your struggles. A lot of people are going through the same thing. It’s hard to get anywhere when the task feelings absolutely overwhelming. So just choose one goal this week. Just one. And work on it. See where you are at the end of the week. It does sound like you are quite depressed on top of the anxiety and insecurities. Try to focus on what you are doing well at this point. Make a list of your good qualities and remind yourself. Maybe find a hobby that really makes you feel good. Going to uni is a hard time of transition and it can be especially hard if we are being pressured to make decisions about your future. So remind yourself, I can change my mind about my career or degree at any time, and it’s okay for me to take my time making decisions. It really is. Really no one at the Gurdwara has a right to judge you, and remind yourself that you have a right to be there. Some of those people have done paap that you don’t even know of and they still deserve a chance to learn and grow. You are perfect, Waheguru has made you perfect. Remember this “If you have committed the four great sins and other mistakes; even if you are a murderous fiend who has never taken the time to listen to sacred books, hymns and poetry. If you then come to remember the Supreme God and contemplate on Him, even for a moment, you shall be saved (Guru Granth Sahib Ji, 70).”