Ask Your Question

Revision history [back]

click to hide/show revision 1
initial version

Good question but I don’t really like the wording “what’s wrong with singhnis”- people have a right to choose whoever they want to marry, we really shouldn’t say there is something wrong with these Singhnis. I do know a lot of guys my age who are Sikh and choosing to marry non-Sikh girls so it goes both ways. I DO think that the question you are asking is a valid one though and I can hear your frustration in not being able to find a professional female because they all seem to want to marry someone that’s non-Sikh. Part of it is a matter of what you as an individual value- I’m a professional female but I know that I want a partner that’s Sikh because Sikhi is core to who I am and I need to know that this is a person that is a life partner and we can further in our Sikhi and learn together, its important to me that when we get married in front of the Guru Granth Sahib that we both understand the meaning of the laavan and that we have a goal of meeting God in this lifetime. If we do not have the same view on life and the same idea of the purpose of our life, how do I spend my life with this person. But I know that this isn’t the same for everyone. Another issue becomes simply who we meet. It can be hard to meet Sikh guys when you are a professional female living in the city. I know in my town, I meet way more non-Sikh guys than I do Sikh guys. Another issue for professional women is this: She wants someone who understands what she went through to get to where she is at. All the hard work that goes into being a financially independent female, especially if you are visible minority, and living away from your family. You want someone who gets it and worked hard like you did. Personally, I have nothing against marrying someone with less education than me, but it would be nice for him to get my struggle and what it took for me to get here. I think another issue is just that a lot of Sikh guys do value living with their families. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that per se. But in some extended families it really does not work well for the daughter in law. She’s not treated fairly and no one wants that life for themselves. So there’s a fear of having to give up your whole life and independence to adjust to living with his family. Not all guys will expect that, and equally I think not all joint families are awful, some work well but maybe that’s another thought. But if you marry a non-Sikh guy the whole issue is avoided. There’s also the perception that a lot of Sikh guys who have lived with their families just haven’t experienced the same thing that a girl who had to do it on her own in the city did (kind of coming back to my issue above of being with someone who gets how it is). Anyways, just throwing some ideas out there!