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You have received so many beautiful, practical and supportive answers here on the forum. Reading them, I feel an outpouring of love and support for you here, as well as a salute to your honesty and your courage. Your courage to be real, allow yourself to be vulnerable and to honestly ask for help here shows your calibre. I honor that as well. Thank you for being you. You are more beautiful than you can imagine right now.

Your low self-esteem and feelings of guilt and worthlessness are going to pass. A cloud moves away. A thunderstorm does not last all day. It may feel horrible now, but it will pass and the sun will come out.

I just want to add a word about masturbation and say that it's different for guys and girls. Guys lose semen when they masturbate. That semen can be transmuted internally and it feeds the white matter in the brain. Because of that, excessive masturbation can be debilitating for men. This is not true for women. When women masturbate, there is nothing lost and no pressure on the glandular system, so, unlike men, women can have as many orgasms as they like with no ill effects. So please don't worry about that. It is far worse to get into a sexual relationship with a guy when there is no commitment. That's because when you have sex with a guy, you get blended with him, you receive his "imprint" in your psyche and your being, then, when he leaves you, it leaves a big hole. Men and women are quite fundamentally different in this way.

Sex is everything and sex is nothing. What I mean by that is, as Strong Kaur pointed out, everyone has sexual urges, that's natural. It only becomes a problem when your thought patterns become obsessive and you become preoccupied with those thoughts to the extent that it interferes with your creativity, productivity, school work and seva. Your job now is to forgive yourself for everything. Love yourself more and get busy doing stuff for others. Opportunities for seva are all around you. Remember... love is a feeling of selflessness within yourself. Do for others and let God do for you. Much love and many blessings to you.