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Hi, I’m sorry that you went through this painful experience. I can understand why you are feeling crushed and hurting given the nature of your relationship and how long it was. A sexual relationship is a really hard thing to get over if things don’t work out because it’s so intimate. So I get it when you say you gave him a crucial part of your life because you share so much more than a body. I know you love him, and you probably want him back and you miss him.

I found your post a bit confusing so apologies if I get this bit wrong. Was it just a sexual relationship (he wasn’t married) or adultery? Adultery would be a sexual relationship in which he was cheating on his wife. Either way, that’s not promoting sikh principles and wasn’t right of him to do. If he was married and willing to cheat on his wife, who says he wouldn’t cheat on you one day?

Having that uncertainty of why he left is painful, but no reason would have been an adequate explanation and maybe he knew that. Or maybe we don’t know his side of the situation and his parents are forcing his hand. Or maybe he hurts and he couldn’t just face having that conversation, it was too painful. Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to have that conversation. Guys tend to be trained in less emotional skills. Maybe he neither had the communication or emotional skills to deal with it. Maybe he was too scared to have a longer conversation because he knew he wouldn’t be able to break it off if he did. Maybe he thinks he was protecting you or doing the best for you by not telling you the reason, or he thinks that he is freeing you to be happy in the future by cutting off communication to let you move forward. We don’t know. It could be any or even all of those things or none of those. We could guess forever. The non-compatibility is an excuse for the real reason, which we don’t know. If it was a third party maybe it was some random horoscope thing which people shouldn’t be following anyways but some people ignorantly do. It’s not about something you said or did so don’t find fault within yourself, you don’t have to be sorry for him using and dumping you. If he isn’t interested in contacting you, bless him mentally and wish that he stays happy in whatever married or unmarried future he has for himself. That’s what he chose and you can’t do anything about that part. His mind is made up and he isn’t changing his mind. What you can do is focus on yourself. You can move forward from this and realize that you are free to find someone you really loves you and is willing to commit to you without putting you through this mess. Maybe God has someone better suited for you. We will never understand his reasoning and you can’t let that keep you from moving forward. I know you wanted closure but it seems like you aren’t going to get it. So best to focus on taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to build yourself up. Take care of your body- eat well, sleep well, exercise. I know these are hard when you are miserable. Become the best version of yourself and don’t let him stop you. Don’t let this stop you. Set up social time with friends that make you feel good about yourself. Focus on building up your confidence. Do prayers, and meditate. Build up your spirituality and trust that God has a better plan for you. If God took him away, there was a reason for it. Trust that it’s going to work out. It’s a lot harder for him to find someone to love him as deeply and passionately as you, than you to find someone else who loves you back so much he’d never let you go and appreciates those qualities in you. I know its super painful right now. Do some stuff that lets off some of these feelings- art, journaling, writing, whatever. I like to write letters that I shred later. It helps me say things to people that I need to say without actually having to do it. Do things as necessary to get yourself back up on your feet. Remind yourself of the wonderful person you are. You are really strong for getting through this last year. Emotional pain is hard to process and deal with, and a breakup from a long-term sexual relationship is even worse. Get some help. That might involve from a doctor or counsellor for depression. That might involve family or friends. Someone you can trust not to judge.

I’ve had depression and I needed the help of a counselor and even though I thought I would never get better, it did. This feeling isn’t going to last forever. I know it’s painful and it feels like it has lasted for so long, will it ever go away? It will. You just need some skills in your pocket to make living day to day easier and more manageable. For example relaxation techniques: breathing techniques (you can google or see youtube guided relaxation or even progressive muscle relaxation). Do things you used to enjoy but maybe don’t anymore because of the depression. Make a huge list of things you enjoyed and just do one for a while. Being in chaos all the time is hard and its nice to do something that takes your attention away from it just for a bit. A little bit of relief is good. I found crocheting, drawing, etc. to be the best for me. Take it one day at a time, or even less. Don’t think about surviving this next year, month or day at all. Instead focus on today or tonight. Sometimes we need to just focus on the next second or five minutes and let the pain pass like we would a physical pain because it can come in waves. Have you thought of getting away for a while? Visiting relatives or going on vacation so your surroundings are different and you don’t have to remember him every time you look around? Try to write down some positive things about yourself everyday. Maybe redecorate around the house if he’s been over to your place. Remember, there are treatments for depression and there is hope so you can find ways to manage this pain. If you have other stuff going on in your life that’s piling onto this make sure to address those things in chunks too. It helps to be able to tackle one thing at a time. Like I noticed I had horrible sleep, and once I addressed that it made a huge difference. If you set some really small goals and build up it helps to see the progress. I don’t know how your depression is doing right now- if you are able to get up out of bed, do your hair, take a shower etc. For some people those are goals because they need to build up those. So set goals accordingly. Be flexible, if things didn’t go as well one day and you weren’t able to do as much, that’s okay. Days look different. Just do what you can and celebrate your successes.

Lastly, if you have suicidal thoughts/plans, protect yourself. That means writing down safety numbers like 9-1-1 (or whatever means the same thing in your area), going to the ER at the hospital, crisis lines, or family members to talk to when you are in crisis. Don’t hesitate to get help if you are a danger to yourself. Take away the means- if you have weapons in the house, lock them up and give the key to someone else, getting rid of dangerous meds or asking someone else to dispense meds, etc. Don’t use substances to cope like alcohol or drugs because these inhibit your ability to make rational decisions. Try not to isolate yourself. Tell yourself the list of things that make tomorrow worth living. This varies from person to person but can include spiritual reasons, goals and dreams, responsibilities, or leaving behind a devastated family, etc.

I want you to be safe because I care and I’m sure lots of other people do too. God does. You are a beautiful soul, and I am sending you love and positive thoughts and wishes.

Hi, I’m sorry that you went through this painful experience. I can understand why you are feeling crushed and hurting given the nature of your relationship and how long it was. A sexual relationship is a really hard thing to get over if things don’t work out because it’s so intimate. So I get it when you say you gave him a crucial part of your life because you share so much more than a body. I know you love him, and you probably want him back and you miss him.

I found your post a bit confusing so apologies if I get this bit wrong. Was it just a sexual relationship (he wasn’t married) or adultery? Adultery would be a sexual relationship in which he was cheating on his wife. Either way, that’s not promoting sikh principles and wasn’t right of him to do. If he was married and willing to cheat on his wife, who says he wouldn’t cheat on you one day?

Having that uncertainty of why he left is painful, but no reason would have been an adequate explanation and maybe he knew that. Or maybe we don’t know his side of the situation and his parents are forcing his hand. Or maybe he hurts and he couldn’t just face having that conversation, it was too painful. Maybe he doesn’t have the skills to have that conversation. Guys tend to be trained in less emotional skills. Maybe he neither had the communication or emotional skills to deal with it. Maybe he was too scared to have a longer conversation because he knew he wouldn’t be able to break it off if he did. Maybe he thinks he was protecting you or doing the best for you by not telling you the reason, or he thinks that he is freeing you to be happy in the future by cutting off communication to let you move forward. We don’t know. It could be any or even all of those things or none of those. We could guess forever. The non-compatibility is an excuse for the real reason, which we don’t know. If it was a third party maybe it was some random horoscope thing which people shouldn’t be following anyways but some people ignorantly do. It’s not about something you said or did so don’t find fault within yourself, you don’t have to be sorry for him HIM using and dumping you. If he isn’t interested in contacting you, bless him mentally and wish that he stays happy in whatever married or unmarried future he has for himself. That’s what he chose and you can’t do anything about that part. His mind is made up and he isn’t changing his mind. What you can do is focus on yourself. You can move forward from this and realize that you are free to find someone you really loves you and is willing to commit to you without putting you through this mess. Maybe God has someone better suited for you. We will never understand his reasoning and you can’t let that keep you from moving forward. I know you wanted closure but it seems like you aren’t going to get it. So best to focus on taking care of yourself and doing what you need to do to build yourself up. Take care of your body- eat well, sleep well, exercise. I know these are hard when you are miserable. Become the best version of yourself and don’t let him stop you. Don’t let this stop you. Set up social time with friends that make you feel good about yourself. Focus on building up your confidence. Do prayers, and meditate. Build up your spirituality and trust that God has a better plan for you. If God took him away, there was a reason for it. Trust that it’s going to work out. It’s a lot harder for him to find someone to love him as deeply and passionately as you, than you to find someone else who loves you back so much he’d never let you go and appreciates those qualities in you. I know its super painful right now. Do some stuff that lets off some of these feelings- art, journaling, writing, whatever. I like to write letters that I shred later. It helps me say things to people that I need to say without actually having to do it. Do things as necessary to get yourself back up on your feet. Remind yourself of the wonderful person you are. You are really strong for getting through this last year. Emotional pain is hard to process and deal with, and a breakup from a long-term sexual relationship is even worse. Get some help. That might involve from a doctor or counsellor for depression. That might involve family or friends. Someone you can trust not to judge.

I’ve had depression and I needed the help of a counselor and even though I thought I would never get better, it did. This feeling isn’t going to last forever. I know it’s painful and it feels like it has lasted for so long, will it ever go away? It will. You just need some skills in your pocket to make living day to day easier and more manageable. For example relaxation techniques: breathing techniques (you can google or see youtube guided relaxation or even progressive muscle relaxation). Do things you used to enjoy but maybe don’t anymore because of the depression. Make a huge list of things you enjoyed and just do one for a while. Being in chaos all the time is hard and its nice to do something that takes your attention away from it just for a bit. A little bit of relief is good. I found crocheting, drawing, etc. to be the best for me. Take it one day at a time, or even less. Don’t think about surviving this next year, month or day at all. Instead focus on today or tonight. Sometimes we need to just focus on the next second or five minutes and let the pain pass like we would a physical pain because it can come in waves. Have you thought of getting away for a while? Visiting relatives or going on vacation so your surroundings are different and you don’t have to remember him every time you look around? Try to write down some positive things about yourself everyday. Maybe redecorate around the house if he’s been over to your place. Remember, there are treatments for depression and there is hope so you can find ways to manage this pain. If you have other stuff going on in your life that’s piling onto this make sure to address those things in chunks too. It helps to be able to tackle one thing at a time. Like I noticed I had horrible sleep, and once I addressed that it made a huge difference. If you set some really small goals and build up it helps to see the progress. I don’t know how your depression is doing right now- if you are able to get up out of bed, do your hair, take a shower etc. For some people those are goals because they need to build up those. So set goals accordingly. Be flexible, if things didn’t go as well one day and you weren’t able to do as much, that’s okay. Days look different. Just do what you can and celebrate your successes.

Lastly, if you have suicidal thoughts/plans, protect yourself. That means writing down safety numbers like 9-1-1 (or whatever means the same thing in your area), going to the ER at the hospital, crisis lines, or family members to talk to when you are in crisis. Don’t hesitate to get help if you are a danger to yourself. Take away the means- if you have weapons in the house, lock them up and give the key to someone else, getting rid of dangerous meds or asking someone else to dispense meds, etc. Don’t use substances to cope like alcohol or drugs because these inhibit your ability to make rational decisions. Try not to isolate yourself. Tell yourself the list of things that make tomorrow worth living. This varies from person to person but can include spiritual reasons, goals and dreams, responsibilities, or leaving behind a devastated family, etc.

I want you to be safe because I care and I’m sure lots of other people do too. God does. You are a beautiful soul, and I am sending you love and positive thoughts and wishes.