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In many ways my parents raised me different than other Sikh families I know. I was always told that I’m equal to boys, etc. They raised me to be educated and financially independent. But despite it all, my parents were overprotective and had lots of expectations of me like yours!!! I found this to be isolating because my friends, who were almost all non-sikh, didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to come over. (I can understand now that my mom was overprotective due to some things that happened to me when I was a little kid but I didn’t know that at that time.) Still it doesn’t take away the fact that it was really hard being different than everyone else, not allowed to do what they were doing. Things changed for me because I ended up being on my own for two yrs. I developed a sense of independence. When I moved back with my parents I had problems again so I straight out had several conversations saying that I need my space, I need to be able to make my own decisions in my life, and that I love them but I also want to establish my own life. It was painful and very hard but it solved a lot (although not totally “free” like some people are. I get that my parents have seen me hurt in the past and its hard for them to see that happen again though so it makes it a little easier).

I can understand your dilemma about respect, but its necessary for you to have your needs met and your parents aren’t doing that. I’m guessing you’ve tried presenting your reasoning to them and they don’t get it, but I’m just going to put that out there as an idea. It sounds like they aren’t willing to listen to reasoning and you have to live with the fact that you can’t change them. I’m going to reassure you- you have a right to live how you want and its not disrespectful when you are meeting your basic human needs to have emotional connections.

Remember God is your real family, these are just people you are spending time with on the earth.

First socially: Do you have a job or are you in school? Do you have people that you can spend time with there? You can say your hours are longer than usual and get some social time in. I honestly wouldn’t care about their ban on social media- they can’t really stop you. How about texting/ Phoning? Skype? Volunteering? Some sort of way you can meet people outside of the house and connect with them is necessary. What is your financial situation like? Moving out is an option if you can afford it, however I’m guessing it might not be a real option for you. If I didn’t’ have to move away for school my parents would never have let me move out! Can you find some excuse to go live with or stay with other family members far away? You don’t need to answer, but just possibilities I am raising if anything works for you. Honestly living in the type of toxicity you are living in sounds really damaging and forgive me if I’m wrong, but also emotionally abusive and not just overprotective.

The other thing I can think of is you can do is just do things anyways. Ignore their rules. You’re 20 and you have a right to live how you want, they can’t really do anything about it. But I imagine they would try some emotional manipulation to get hteir way. You can apply to uni and move away, or do meet friends (do you have a drivers licence?) or whatever. I know this doesn’t sound like a good option but if you do even small things (the things I listed were really big) that assert your own choices and independence it might help you feel more in control of your life and less powerless. The thing is I don’t know your household and I don’t know how safe or unsafe it is for you to just ignore the rules, so please take caution and think about what’s best for you. Have you searched up ways to deal with your emotions? The internet has lots of ideas but I’ve found journaling to be really useful. You can also write poetry, or do art, play music, etc. to try to cope with the emotional fallout.

I can relate. In many ways my parents raised me different than other Sikh families I know. I was always told that I’m equal to boys, etc. They raised me to be educated and financially independent. But despite it all, my parents were overprotective and had lots of expectations of me like yours!!! I found this to be isolating because my friends, who were almost all non-sikh, didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to come over. (I can understand now that my mom was overprotective due to some things that happened to me when I was a little kid but I didn’t know that at that time.) Still it doesn’t take away the fact that it was really hard being different than everyone else, not allowed to do what they were doing. Things changed for me because I ended up being on my own for two yrs. I developed a sense of independence. When I moved back with my parents I had problems again so I straight out had several conversations saying that I need my space, I need to be able to make my own decisions in my life, and that I love them but I also want to establish my own life. It was painful and very hard but it solved a lot (although not totally “free” like some people are. I get that my parents have seen me hurt in the past and its hard for them to see that happen again though so it makes it a little easier).

I can understand your dilemma about respect, but its necessary for you to have your needs met and your parents aren’t doing that. I’m guessing you’ve tried presenting your reasoning to them and they don’t get it, but I’m just going to put that out there as an idea. It sounds like they aren’t willing to listen to reasoning and you have to live with the fact that you can’t change them. I’m going to reassure you- you have a right to live how you want and its not disrespectful when you are meeting your basic human needs to have emotional connections.

Remember God is your real family, these are just people you are spending time with on the earth.

First socially: Do you have a job or are you in school? Do you have people that you can spend time with there? You can say your hours are longer than usual and get some social time in. I honestly wouldn’t care about their ban on social media- they can’t really stop you. How about texting/ Phoning? Skype? Volunteering? Some sort of way you can meet people outside of the house and connect with them is necessary. What is your financial situation like? Moving out is an option if you can afford it, however I’m guessing it might not be a real option for you. If I didn’t’ have to move away for school my parents would never have let me move out! Can you find some excuse to go live with or stay with other family members far away? You don’t need to answer, but just possibilities I am raising if anything works for you. Honestly living in the type of toxicity you are living in sounds really damaging and forgive me if I’m wrong, but also emotionally abusive and not just overprotective.

The other thing I can think of is you can do is just do things anyways. Ignore their rules. You’re 20 and you have a right to live how you want, they can’t really do anything about it. But I imagine they would try some emotional manipulation to get hteir way. You can apply to uni and move away, or do meet friends (do you have a drivers licence?) or whatever. I know this doesn’t sound like a good option but if you do even small things (the things I listed were really big) that assert your own choices and independence it might help you feel more in control of your life and less powerless. The thing is I don’t know your household and I don’t know how safe or unsafe it is for you to just ignore the rules, so please take caution and think about what’s best for you. Have you searched up ways to deal with your emotions? The internet has lots of ideas but I’ve found journaling to be really useful. You can also write poetry, or do art, play music, etc. to try to cope with the emotional fallout.

I can relate. In many ways my parents raised me different than other Sikh families I know. know- I was always told that I’m equal to boys, etc. They raised me to i should be educated and financially independent. dependent, don't care about what other people think, etc. But despite it all, my parents STILL they were very overprotective and had lots of expectations of me like yours!!! expectations. I found this to be isolating because my friends, who were almost all non-sikh, didn’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to come over. (I can understand now that my mom was overprotective due to some things that happened to me when I was a little kid but I didn’t know that at that time.) find that out until recently.) Still it doesn’t take away the fact that it was really hard being different than everyone else, not allowed to do what they were doing. Things changed for me because I ended up being on my own for two yrs. I developed a sense of independence. independence and knew i could survive and do well on my own. When I moved back with my parents I had problems again so I straight out and I had several conversations saying that I need my space, I need to be able to make my own decisions in my life, and that I love them but I also want to establish my own life. It was painful and very hard and lots of crying but I needed to do it because I needed them to understand. It solved a lot and they did give me the space and said that they would love me no matter what even if i didn't make the decisions that they wanted me to make because it was my choice to make them. That was hard, i've always looked upon them for approval and if they didn't agree i used to just give in to what they wanted for me because i figured they are older and know better and really i thought they wouldn't love and support me if I didnt do what they want. So talking about it really changed things but it solved a lot (although was also my increased confidence in my independence. I made quite a few decisions that they didn't agree with but were the best for me and worked out great and i think that helped me gain some confidence in myself. I'm not totally “free” "free" like some people are. My phone has a GPS app that the whole family uses to see where each other is, and i'm not supposed to be out too late because my parents literally always will stay up to make sure i got home and they don't want to be waiting up for hours just for me to me home. I get that my there really are a lot of girls that go missing in my town and they are scared something is going to happen to me. They have seen me really hurt in the past and its hard for them to bear seeing me like that so they are trying to be protective. Understanding from their side has helped me to be a little more okay with it for the meantime. Honestly i was going nuts in my house too and i felt trapped, and i argued a lot (then felt bad about it) but when i just started making my own decisions without their input it helped to establish that i can do things on my own. I think a lot of parents have seen me hurt a hard time transitioning seeing us from kids to adults. For a lot of people their parents won't recognize us as being able to make our own deciiosns and have the freedom of adulthood until we are married. that's wrong. how are we going to learn to survive in the past and its hard for them to see that happen again though so it makes it a little easier). our life after marriage if we never learned how to do things on our own now.

I can understand your dilemma about respect, but its necessary for you to have your needs met and your parents aren’t doing that. I’m guessing you’ve tried presenting your reasoning to them and they don’t get it, but I’m just going to put that out there as an idea. idea- having a conversation. It sounds like they aren’t willing to listen to reasoning and you have to live with the fact that you can’t change them. them which is awful (but also true for my relationship between me and my sister so i get it). I’m going to reassure you- you have a right to live how you want and its not disrespectful when you are meeting your basic human needs to have emotional connections.

Remember God is your real family, these are just people you are spending time with on the earth.

First socially: Do you have a job or are you in school? Do you have people that you can spend time with there? You can say your hours are longer than usual and get some social time in. I honestly wouldn’t care about their ban on social media- they can’t really stop you. How about texting/ Phoning? Skype? Volunteering? Some sort of way you can meet people outside of the house and connect with them is necessary. What is your financial situation like? Moving out is an option if you can afford it, however I’m guessing it might not be a real option for you. If I didn’t’ have to move away for school my parents would never have let me move out! Can you find some excuse to go live with or stay with other family members far away? You don’t need to answer, but just possibilities I am raising if anything works for you. Honestly living in the type of toxicity you are living in sounds really damaging and forgive me if I’m wrong, but also emotionally abusive and not just overprotective.

The other thing I can think of is you can do is just do things anyways. Ignore their rules. You’re 20 and you have a right to live how you want, they can’t really do anything about it. But I imagine they would try some emotional manipulation to get hteir way. You can apply to uni and move away, or do meet friends (do you have a drivers licence?) or whatever. I know this doesn’t sound like a good option but if you do even small SMALL things (the things I listed were really big) that assert your own choices and independence it might help you feel more in control of your life and less powerless. I know one thing i did was tell my mom she's not allowed to nitpick my clothing anymore. She even makes my dad change his clothes when she doesn't like what he is wearing. I said I'm wearing what i want and she doesn't get to control that. The thing is I don’t know your household and I don’t know how safe or unsafe it is for you to just ignore the rules, rules or not follow them, so please take caution and think about what’s best for you. Have you searched up ways to deal with your emotions? The internet has lots of ideas but I’ve found journaling to be really useful. You can also write poetry, or do art, play music, etc. to try to cope with the emotional fallout.