soulsoul's profile - activity

I am 28years old , from Delhi. I believe in baba ji, though i never saw any result instantly in life. I was in love with a brahmin, because i believe all humans are one and same, i dont believe in religions or caste. He passed away in 2015 and i was broken as hell. I didnt want to do paath because that was giving more tears to my eyes as if something bad has happened to me and i felt more weak when i used to worship or visit Gurudwara. Then i left going or worshiping.I moved to bangalore for job because of job & probably a solution to move on. I live very practical life and keep searching what is god because I see no evidence if there was any god, but i still somewhere recite "waheguru". I went to parties and got addicted to parties thing. Somebody asked me, do you wish to join a business you will earn lot and fulfill your family dreams , i said dont take me to any wrong path. He introduced me to his senior partners in a coffee shop and I am so scared of saying NO to anyone on this earth that I said YES to business proposal seeing Aunts, old people and young girls happily working there.I invested 1.5lacs there which was my last ever savings for my marriage. (FYI-total savings my family so far for 2more daughters to get married is-4lacs) .I took risk because i felt business looks professional and trustworthy. But now i realized in 3months that I m stuck in this business and not getting money, its not easy because you have to refer your friend to come into this business which i cnt do intentionally.So money has gone in water.Now i am getting offer for modelling shoots and all, i though I should recover money by doing shoots may be some decent shoots. And yea,when I told my family about business, they were as usual so angry on me (bcz as always I being youngest in home and as per their trust that I must be going on wrong paths) but I know my limits which they dont understand. Now if i will tell them about shoot, they wont trust me for anything and would again think wrong about me that I have taken another wrong step and so they feel like calling back to Delhi. I have no single penny,I dont want to go back to Delhi( I will feel i am behind bars), I cant live simple sweet girl life, i need freedom, but I am also feeling so alone to live in Bangalore, i miss them as hell.I dont feel like going to office and earn; I am hating everything. I think of committing suicide after every 7 days. Could anybody please tell me how can I make my family have trust on me or atleast let me do what I want in life as ... (more)