singha's profile - activity

Ive been bullied as a kid, didn't talk much through out high shool, didn't develop those deep friendship relationships with people. I was very insecure, felt very isolated & was vulnerable. Then I was blessed with Sikhi when I started attending sangat listening to Sant Baba Baldev Singh Ji from Balandpuri. It has made me into a much more stronger person but I still have some social anxiety. I can't carry on a meaningful conversation, I'm not a fun person to be around, I can't be myself around people. In large groups of people I feel like I am living in the past again, I get totally quiet, I feel unwanted. My cousin got married last year and while everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves, being social, talking about a variety of topics, sports, news, etc. I felt all alone, some people tried talking to me, but I couldn't carry on a conversation, I was only able to reply with a couple words back and couldn't think of anything else to say. This is inner torture to me, sometimes I feel suicidal. I don't see the point of living, people don't seem to have this problem at all. There are such complex people who can talk about such complex topics, using technical vocabulary to articulate deep sentences. I can understand everything people say, I just cant think of anything to talk about. I feel like this is a disorder called Expressive language disorder, I read a lot but I can't seem to remember words, I can't seem to express my train of thoughts into proper speech. I don't feel like returning missed calls, I try to avoid social situations as much as possible. I have no social life. How am I suppose to make any friends like this? How am I suppose to find a women? How can I have a successful entrepreneurial career I've always wanted like this? How long will I live through this torture?

Hi, sorry my last post was too long, I went into too much detail. I'm going to re-post my problem, so I basically moved to Alberta from BC couple of months ago and met this girl I am really into. I met her at her work place and we ended up exchanging contact information. She was really into me to as well, we had talked for about a month, had some laughs, some serious convo's and then there some things we didn't agree with but at the end of the day I feel like she is the type of girl I am into. After a month every thing changed, her vibe changed, we only talked about once a week, she wouldn't txt me her self or call me anymore. I felt very blessed to have her in my life, for the first time in my life I met somebody I was into who was into me as well. It's been so long since I've met a women in my life who I could talk to. I feel so very lonely and isolated, sometimes I cry to my self. I don't know what turned her off about me, its been over a month since we've talked, I really wanted to know this women on a deeper level. I've had a lot of insecurities as a kid/teenage growing up, and Sikhi has really made me into a stronger person, but now I feel insecure again. All I know is this girl was into me and now she isn't. I don't want to lose her out of my life, I go to the Gurdwara everyday, try to recite half of Sukhimani sahib each day, about 5-6 chaupai sahibs. I just pray to lord waheguru that may he bring this women back into my life. I would also like to recite shabads, can anyone suggest any shabads to me I can chant/recite specific to love & this prayer? Satnam.