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I've done bad stuff in the past and have got a lot pain and punishment from it but how do you what the Guru thinks or knows of you because of it. It's difficult to word, I know Mahraj Ji is forgiving and knows everything but how do you know you are forgiven and how do you know if you're still bad in the Guru's eyes? I sometimes feel like I've been forgiven and then something bad happens or I feel like I'm still paying for what I've done.