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I am completely broken within myself! Today it is exactly 10 months and 10 days since I lost my wife to Cancer, I am still crying in private, I get harrassed by my family members all the time, I start thinking that I wished I was dead too!

I was told off today by my sister that I am always in the Gurudwara! and I am not looking after my kids! Everyone in the family has suddenly turned against me as if i have left the faith (as I was not a proper Sikh nor Hindu I was abit of a convenience religion person). Sometimes I feel very guilty that I let my wife cut her hair etc but she also wished to do that I didnt EVER EVER force her to do anything that was not Sikhi! You can imagine that we NEVER had any arguement or fights she would say what she was upset about and i would reform and listen to her and make my life better by listening to her. I NEVER talked BACK to her! for 15 yrs? Is that a good or bad marriage? In the Gurudwara I am in tears for longing for my wife and Kirtan has made me a helpless person completely!

I am always listening to Kirtan and trying to live the Sikhi life... Har naam har saas!.... I cannot concentrate on my studies as I am thinking I could listen to one more shabad and then end up crying in my study room all by myself!

I do all the things I have been allocated by God I clean all the house, hoover, cook abit 3-4 days a week and get all the washing done and ironing for the kids school clothes etc. Take them to school and bring them back! And anyone I speak to I tell them I am doing sewa looking after my kids, Gods allocated job for me....as well as find time to go to the Gurudwara in the evening for Rehraas Sahib Paath! I would record any Kirtan the Ragi is doing... I have loaded over 200 videos for 1 Ragi who was trying to get someone to help him load all his kirtan online for years!! I record, I listen and do it for others as I have some time in between all my work! and as I am still having problems with my sleeping pattern so I am awake most nights and sleep at about 4 or 5 am after listening to Asa Di war or Waheguru Jaap.

I am thinking that I am trying my best to live this life in the Sikhi way and i have 1 new friend who is Amrithari and i talk to him about my problems. I always feel guilty afterwards! I have started growing my hair and hoping to waer the Turban and in the future be Amritdhari as well.

My boys are not having this Sikhi life it is becoming difficult to get the elder boy to The Gurudwara always saying that he is doing homework from school everyday! and the little one says that I should drop to his Auntis house! ( he has found her aunt helping him staying away from the Gurudwara by telling me infront of the kids that I am forcing them! which I shouldnt! Should a parent decide if the child is going to the Gurudwara or his aunt? Then giving him Wii to play etc? If he does go he will start saying can we go home after 1 hr? Does a 11yrs old child know what is best for him?

I cannot concentrate on my college work, I have started a course in Nutrition and another in Health Sciences ( a Degree Course).

I am constantly looking for spitual upliftment and trying to answer the big questions in my mind!

Sometimes I look at my wifes picture and think How could you leave me in this mess? I cannot manage anything and am on break point every moment but its not visible, I can cover things so no one knows whats going on...in my life!

My neighbour who is about 65 yrs old nice Jat lady advised me that I should get married as my children are small and a motherly figure would help them... and now after months and months I have found a person who is not motivated by big houses, big cars, greed etc, but she is younger to me by 18 yrs! ( I know ...it might be high... but I am also looking at the fact that she is divorced, and has a child so OUR circumstances are in the same. I dont have a wife and she doesnt have a husband, ( she told me briefly that her husband was doing drugs, Alcohol and physical abuse in India.) She is Sikh also. Although I am thinking that there is an age difference I am happy and she too, and her family too but in my family I am getting some resentment or jeolousy I dont know what it is? or overprotection? for me? I want to also help her get out of India, Punjab, with her son who I want to adopt and look after, and her and give her all the love I have for her, I want her to be my Preetam, My dear... and one who will join me in Shabad Kirtan! She is quite religious which helps me alot! She could also teach and read Gurmukhi to the children which I dont know! I am doing this from the bottom of my heart! As well as unconditionally! I am also thinking that yes my kids need a mother and if Waheguru wishes it will be her! I am happy with that!

I know Babaji answered an earlier question about age and I was quite happy with his respected thoughts! My other problems still stand as before house and health but I have nowhere to go! Only the Gurudwara?

Please help! Please advice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zKx_5J-ZHI

I am completely broken within myself! Today it is exactly 10 months and 10 days since I lost my wife to Cancer, I am still crying in private, I get harrassed by my family members all the time, I start thinking that I wished I was dead too!

I was told off today by my sister that I am always in the Gurudwara! and I am not looking after my kids! Everyone in the family has suddenly turned against me as if i have left the faith (as I was not a proper Sikh nor Hindu I was abit of a convenience religion person). Sometimes I feel very guilty that I let my wife cut her hair etc but she also wished to do that I didnt EVER EVER force her to do anything that was not Sikhi! You can imagine that we NEVER had any arguement or fights she would say what she was upset about and i would reform and listen to her and make my life better by listening to her. I NEVER talked BACK to her! for 15 yrs? Is that a good or bad marriage? In the Gurudwara I am in tears for longing for my wife and Kirtan has made me a helpless person completely!

I am always listening to Kirtan and trying to live the Sikhi life... Har naam har saas!.... I cannot concentrate on my studies as I am thinking I could listen to one more shabad and then end up crying in my study room all by myself!

I do all the things I have been allocated by God I clean all the house, hoover, cook abit 3-4 days a week and get all the washing done and ironing for the kids school clothes etc. Take them to school and bring them back! And anyone I speak to I tell them I am doing sewa looking after my kids, Gods allocated job for me....as well as find time to go to the Gurudwara in the evening for Rehraas Sahib Paath! I would record any Kirtan the Ragi is doing... I have loaded over 200 videos for 1 Ragi who was trying to get someone to help him load all his kirtan online for years!! I record, I listen and do it for others as I have some time in between all my work! and as I am still having problems with my sleeping pattern so I am awake most nights and sleep at about 4 or 5 am after listening to Asa Di war or Waheguru Jaap.

I am thinking that I am trying my best to live this life in the Sikhi way and i have 1 new friend who is Amrithari and i talk to him about my problems. I always feel guilty afterwards! I have started growing my hair and hoping to waer the Turban and in the future be Amritdhari as well.

My boys are not having this Sikhi life it is becoming difficult to get the elder boy to The Gurudwara always saying that he is doing homework from school everyday! and the little one says that I should drop to his Auntis house! ( he has found her aunt helping him staying away from the Gurudwara by telling me infront of the kids that I am forcing them! which I shouldnt! Should a parent decide if the child is going to the Gurudwara or his aunt? Then giving him Wii to play etc? If he does go he will start saying can we go home after 1 hr? Does a 11yrs old child know what is best for him?

I cannot concentrate on my college work, I have started a course in Nutrition and another in Health Sciences ( a Degree Course).

I am constantly looking for spitual upliftment and trying to answer the big questions in my mind!

Sometimes I look at my wifes picture and think How could you leave me in this mess? I cannot manage anything and am on break point every moment but its not visible, I can cover things so no one knows whats going on...in my life!

My neighbour who is about 65 yrs old nice Jat lady advised me that I should get married as my children are small and a motherly figure would help them... and now after months and months I have found a person who is not motivated by big houses, big cars, greed etc, but she is younger to me by 18 yrs! ( I know ...it might be high... but I am also looking at the fact that she is divorced, and has a child so OUR circumstances are in the same. I dont have a wife and she doesnt have a husband, ( she told me briefly that her husband was doing drugs, Alcohol and physical abuse in India.) She is Sikh also. Although I am thinking that there is an age difference I am happy and she too, and her family too but in my family I am getting some resentment or jeolousy I dont know what it is? or overprotection? for me? I want to also help her get out of India, Punjab, with her son who I want to adopt and look after, and her and give her all the love I have for her, I want her to be my Preetam, My dear... and one who will join me in Shabad Kirtan! She is quite religious which helps me alot! She could also teach and read Gurmukhi to the children which I dont know! I am doing this from the bottom of my heart! As well as unconditionally! I am also thinking that yes my kids need a mother and if Waheguru wishes it will be her! I am happy with that!

I know Babaji answered an earlier question about age and I was quite happy with his respected thoughts! My other problems still stand as before house and health but I have nowhere to go! Only the Gurudwara?

Please help! Please advice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zKx_5J-ZHI

I am completely broken within myself! Today it is exactly 10 months and 10 days since I lost my wife to Cancer, I am still crying in private, I get harrassed by my family members all the time, I start thinking that I wished I was dead too!

I was told off today by my sister that I am always in the Gurudwara! and I am not looking after my kids! Everyone in the family has suddenly turned against me as if i have left the faith (as I was not a proper Sikh nor Hindu I was abit of a convenience religion person). Sometimes I feel very guilty that I let my wife cut her hair etc but she also wished to do that I didnt EVER EVER force her to do anything that was not Sikhi! You can imagine that we NEVER had any arguement or fights she would say what she was upset about and i would reform and listen to her and make my life better by listening to her. I NEVER talked BACK to her! for 15 yrs? Is that a good or bad marriage? In the Gurudwara I am in tears for longing for my wife and Kirtan has made me a helpless person completely!

I am always listening to Kirtan and trying to live the Sikhi life... Har naam har saas!.... I cannot concentrate on my studies as I am thinking I could listen to one more shabad and then end up crying in my study room all by myself!

I do all the things I have been allocated by God I clean all the house, hoover, cook abit 3-4 days a week and get all the washing done and ironing for the kids school clothes etc. Take them to school and bring them back! And anyone I speak to I tell them I am doing sewa looking after my kids, Gods allocated job for me....as well as find time to go to the Gurudwara in the evening for Rehraas Sahib Paath! I would record any Kirtan the Ragi is doing... I have loaded over 200 videos for 1 Ragi who was trying to get someone to help him load all his kirtan online for years!! I record, I listen and do it for others as I have some time in between all my work! and as I am still having problems with my sleeping pattern so I am awake most nights and sleep at about 4 or 5 am after listening to Asa Di war or Waheguru Jaap.

I am thinking that I am trying my best to live this life in the Sikhi way and i have 1 new friend who is Amrithari and i talk to him about my problems. I always feel guilty afterwards! I have started growing my hair and hoping to waer the Turban and in the future be Amritdhari as well.

My boys are not having this Sikhi life it is becoming difficult to get the elder boy to The Gurudwara always saying that he is doing homework from school everyday! and the little one says that I should drop to his Auntis house! ( he has found her aunt helping him staying away from the Gurudwara by telling me infront of the kids that I am forcing them! which I shouldnt! Should a parent decide if the child is going to the Gurudwara or his aunt? Then giving him Wii to play etc? If he does go he will start saying can we go home after 1 hr? Does a 11yrs old child know what is best for him?

I cannot concentrate on my college work, I have started a course in Nutrition and another in Health Sciences ( a Degree Course).

I am constantly looking for spitual upliftment and trying to answer the big questions in my mind!

Sometimes I look at my wifes picture and think How could you leave me in this mess? I cannot manage anything and am on break point every moment but its not visible, I can cover things so no one knows whats going on...in my life!

My neighbour who is about 65 yrs old nice Jat lady advised me that I should get married as my children are small and a motherly figure would help them... and now after months and months I have found a person who is not motivated by big houses, big cars, greed etc, but she is younger to me by 18 yrs! ( I know ...it might be high... but I am also looking at the fact that she is divorced, and has a child so OUR circumstances are in the same. I dont have a wife and she doesnt have a husband, ( she told me briefly that her husband was doing drugs, Alcohol and physical abuse in India.) She is Sikh also. Although I am thinking that there is an age difference I am happy and she too, and her family too but in my family I am getting some resentment or jeolousy I dont know what it is? or overprotection? for me? I want to also help her get out of India, Punjab, with her son who I want to adopt and look after, and her and give her all the love I have for her, I want her to be my Preetam, My dear... and one who will join me in Shabad Kirtan! She is quite religious which helps me alot! She could also teach and read Gurmukhi to the children which I dont know! I am doing this from the bottom of my heart! As well as unconditionally! I am also thinking that yes my kids need a mother and if Waheguru wishes it will be her! I am happy with that!

I know Babaji answered an earlier question about age and I was quite happy with his respected thoughts! My other problems still stand as before house and health but I have nowhere to go! Only the Gurudwara?

Please help! Please advice?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1zKx_5J-ZHI