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I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable?

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable?

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable? bearable?

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable?

UPDATE Thank you for your answers and support gn and anon. I don’t think I can forget him given some of the stuff we went through. He’s had a big influence on my life and has shaped how I live it. I It wasn't all fairytales... we had some problems and through that i grew up a lot, and some of it lot. Honestly though i'm feeling a little ashamed that i was terribly painful in a relationship. When I became friends with him i didn't know it was going to result in this kind of relationship. When it did, we were clear it was for marriage purposes so it made sense to me. Now I have no idea what I'm gonna say when I do find someone to marry. I can't erase the past, and i would never hide it, but in the end I don't know how accepting people will be of me. People don't like girls that have been with other guys, even he asked me a number of times if i'd been with other people. Plus I feel like people are looking for a girl who is quiet and does what they want... I hate being controlled. I am a stronger woman. my own person with my own goals. I feel like i'm too much for anyone to accept. Probably because he broke up with me with no explanation, i don't feel good enough sometimes. Hopefully continuing my paath and simran will help me to feel better. I usually feel okay during the day (busy). Nighttime and mornings are the worst. When I wake up, I seem to re-realize we aren’t in each others lives anymore and its horrible all over again. When I sit down at the end of the day its inevitable. So many things remind me of him here and there. I’m really trying to just replace all silence with “Waheguru.” Waiting in line somewhere “Waheguru,” standing the shower “Waheguru”, wake up “Waheguru,” but the thoughts creep in, and sometimes they come suddenly and I can’t hold myself together remembering how much I love him and how empty it feels without him. I know the emptiness can be filled with Waheguru. You are right, anon, learning bani is the only thing we have. I’m going to just continue to do that and do ardas for Naam. The fulfillment i will receive from my relationship to God will be more than i could ever get from anything else. I think i need to stop worrying about the future

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable?

UPDATE Thank you for your answers and support gn and anon. New Update (I deleted the old one) It’s been a few weeks since I posted and things are just getting harder. I don’t think I can forget him given some of the care about the rishtas and stuff we went through. He’s had a big influence on my life and has shaped how I live it. It wasn't all fairytales... we had some problems and through anymore form the original post, because I know for sure that i grew up a lot. Honestly though i'm feeling a little ashamed this is not my time to be looking for another relationship (as I said before that i was in a relationship. When I became friends with him i didn't know it was going to result in this kind of relationship. When it did, we were clear it was for marriage purposes so it made sense to me. Now I have no idea what I'm gonna say when I do find someone to marry. I can't erase the past, and i would never hide it, but I don't wouldn’t be right or fair to the other person). My problem now is that I’m frustrated at myself for not being able to move on. I still love him and I don’t know how accepting people to convince my mind to let go. I even set my alarm to simran so I wouldn’t think of him right when I wake up. Focusing on simran, Gurbani and sewa has helped my life, but at the same time, I am having a great deal of trouble being able to focus. I’m not getting enough sleep because when I lie down at the end of the day he is all I can think about. I love Waheguru, I trust all will be of well so I’m not worried about getting through this, and I’m not depressed. I’m simply just sad because I miss him.

The more stress I’m facing in my life (which is a lot right now), I’m feeling the emptiness of not having my best friend there to support me. People don't like girls that have been with other guys, even he asked me a number of times if i'd been with other people. Plus I feel like My support system isn’t there for me right now- all those people are looking for a girl who relying on me to be their support because they need me. I’m getting stuff done as needed and I’m holding things together but honestly mentally I’m not doing well without someone to talk to. I keep trying to remind myself that me talking to him is quiet and does what they want... I hate being controlled. I am my own person with my own goals. I feel like i'm too much for anyone to accept. Probably because not going to help- he wanted to be left alone and he broke up with me with no explanation, i don't feel good enough sometimes. Hopefully continuing my paath and simran will help me to feel better. I usually feel okay during the day (busy). Nighttime and mornings are the worst. When I wake up, I seem to re-realize we aren’t in each others lives anymore and its horrible all over again. When I sit down at the end of the day its inevitable. So many things remind me of him here and there. I’m really trying to so I need to respect his wishes and leave him alone. I will. If he wanted to talk to me, he would have said something. I’m just replace all silence with “Waheguru.” Waiting in line somewhere “Waheguru,” standing the shower “Waheguru”, wake up “Waheguru,” but the thoughts creep in, and sometimes they come suddenly and I can’t hold myself together remembering how much I love him and how empty it feels without him. I know the emptiness can be filled with Waheguru. You are right, anon, learning bani is the only thing we have. I’m going to not sure what else to do to cope. I’m open to suggestions or even just continue to do that and do ardas for Naam. The fulfillment i will receive from my relationship to God will be more than i could ever get from anything else. I think i need to stop worrying about the future some support. I am out of ideas.

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together.

This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I’m also just scared to trust a guy. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay.

My biggest issue is that he is “around”- work, gurdwara, some of the same friends. I’m constantly reminded of him while i'm actively trying to move on… its too hard! I want to move away so I don’t have to sit by and watch him marry someone else (which he will because he is ready to settle down), but I’m stuck here. What can I do to make this more bearable?

New Update (I deleted the old one) It’s been a UPDATE!!!! I did as you guys advised and I have kept busy the last few weeks since I posted and things are just getting harder. I don’t care about the rishtas and stuff anymore form the original post, because I know for sure that this is not my time to be looking for another relationship (as I said before that wouldn’t be right or fair to the other person). My problem now is that I’m frustrated at months with work and focused on myself for not being able to move on. I still love him and I don’t know how to convince my mind to let go. I even set my alarm to simran so I wouldn’t think of him right when I wake up. Focusing on simran, Gurbani and sewa and personal growth. It has helped my life, but at the same time, I am having a great deal of trouble being able to focus. I’m not getting enough sleep because when I lie down at the end of the day he is all I can think about. I love Waheguru, I trust all will be well so I’m not worried me a lot. I feel a lot better about getting through this, and I’m not depressed. I’m simply just sad because I miss him. life and more fulfilled.

I am confused right now though and I need some advice. The more stress I’m facing last few months I have been certain that I didn’t want to start any relationships (like i said above) so i easily said no to everything. Yesterday, someone from the Gurdwara asked me if I would marry his son. He said that I had the qualities he was looking for in my a daughter-in-law, and that he think we would make a happy couple. I have the urge to get married soon, but I feel that I want to get to know him beforehand. I want to know his bad habits as much as his good qualities and him to know mine because I think life (which would be easier marrying a friend and knowing what you are getting into! I think it takes some time to develop proper communication and get to know each other, and certainly it would take me time to trust enough to share the deeper things about myself. But his dad is a lot right now), I’m feeling the emptiness of not having my best friend there to support me. My support system isn’t there for me right now- all those people are relying on me to be their support against dating. I also don’t like that he didn’t grow up in my country because they need me. I’m getting stuff done as needed and I’m holding things together but honestly mentally I’m not doing well without someone to talk to. I keep trying to remind myself that me talking to him is not going to help- then I feel that maybe he wanted to be left alone and he broke up with me so I need to respect his wishes and leave him alone. I will. If he wanted to talk to me, he wont understand who I am. I would have to move away because his son doesn’t live in my city. I don’t want to leave my home. But maybe I’m wrong about what I want. That’s my big worry. Our parents generation married happily through arranged marriages. This family is certainly really nice and would treat me with respect, and I know that his son would treat me as his equal. They are amritdhari and they have great values. I’m not amritdhari and I feel like maybe it would bring out the best in me and help me stay focused on Sikhi? I’m not sure.

This is the first time I have thought twice about considering someone else because I still miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss our friendship. We knew each other well and I trusted him and I’ll probably always love him. I simply felt right when I met him like I had known him forever. But he hasn’t said something. I’m just a word to me in months so he’s probably happily moved on by now? I am planning on saying no to this rishta because my heart is telling me to wait but I am scared to make the wrong decisions. I am wondering whether I should be pushing myself to move on, and actively looking for a relationship. I’m not sure if these lingering feelings for my ex will ever completely go away- do I just simply go and meet someone else and see what else to do to cope. I’m open to suggestions or even happens? I’m scared of getting tangled up in a situation I can’t get out of, and especially scared to hurt someone. It’s been almost 9 months since we broke up, I don’t know how much my feelings will change if I just some support. keep waiting and don’t try for a new relationship. At the same time I am out of ideas. feeling nervous about pursuing something new while still missing him… isn’t that unfair to the guy I’d be with? I don't know what is right.

I’m not the type of girl that dates but I met a guy, and our friendship became a bf/gf relationship. We talked our goals and marriage early on so we were on the same page (we are both at that age). Unexpectedly he decides he doesn’t have the “same feelings” for me anymore and simply doesn’t want to see me again so we broke up. That was four months ago. He was neither willing to talk about it or work on it, leaving me confused and sad, but I also don’t want to spend my life with someone who doesn’t love me so I’m thankful it was before we got married not after. I can guess a million things but I know I’ll never know what happened for sure so I’m trying to instead just let it go. Reading bani has helped keep myself together. This last little while has been stressful though. People keep trying to set up rishtas for me- one of my friends even tried to set me up with him (not knowing the background). Yesterday it was another guy asking for a proposal and I don’t even know him… I’m simply not interested in an arranged relationship and not ready for any relationship. I’m still in love with my ex, and its unfair if i go into another relationship with him still in my head. I shared so much with him for an honest relationship, and it feels hard to have to share all over with someone else only to have them walk away. I can’t be giving out my heart until I am able to heal and be solid that I’m okay. What can I do to make this more bearable?

UPDATE!!!! I did as you guys advised and I have kept busy the last few months with work and focused on myself and personal growth. It has helped me a lot. I feel a lot better about life and more fulfilled.

I am confused right now though and I need some advice. The last few months I have been certain that I didn’t want to start any relationships (like i said above) so i easily said no to everything. Yesterday, someone from the Gurdwara asked me if I would marry his son. He said that I had the qualities he was looking for in a daughter-in-law, and that he think we would make a happy couple. I have the urge to get married soon, but I feel that I want to get to know him beforehand. I want to know his bad habits as much as his good qualities and him to know mine because I think life would be easier marrying a friend and knowing what you are getting into! I think it takes some time to develop proper communication and get to know each other, and certainly it would take me time to trust enough to share the deeper things about myself. But his dad is against dating. I also don’t like that he didn’t grow up in my country because then I feel that maybe he wont understand who I am. I would have to move away because his son doesn’t live in my city. I don’t want to leave my home. But maybe I’m wrong about what I want. That’s my big worry. Our parents generation married happily through arranged marriages. This family is certainly really nice and would treat me with respect, and I know that his son would treat me as his equal. They are amritdhari and they have great values. I’m not amritdhari and I feel like maybe it would bring out the best in me and help me stay focused on Sikhi? I’m not sure.

This is the first time I have thought twice about considering someone else because I still miss my ex-boyfriend. I miss our friendship. We knew each other well and I trusted him and I’ll probably always love him. I simply felt right when I met him like I had known him forever. But he hasn’t said a word to me in months so he’s probably happily moved on by now? I am planning on saying no to this rishta because my heart is telling me to wait but I am scared to make the wrong decisions. I am wondering whether I should be pushing myself to move on, and actively looking for a relationship. I’m not sure if these lingering feelings for my ex will ever completely go away- do I just simply go and meet someone else and see what happens? I’m scared of getting tangled up in a situation I can’t get out of, and especially scared to hurt someone. It’s been almost 9 months since we broke up, I don’t know how much my feelings will change if I just keep waiting and don’t try for a new relationship. At the same time I am feeling nervous about pursuing something new while still missing him… isn’t that unfair to the guy I’d be with? I don't know what is right.