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Love of my life was in a "living relationship" previously

asked 2015-07-13 19:43:34 -0600

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WJKK WJKF

I'm going to be talking about a very sensitive topic so please bear with me, I don't think there's anyone else that I can talk to about this issue.

So I met a girl a few months ago and we became best friends, and soon enough we realized that we are both in love with each other and want to get married, which is great. However, the issue is the mistake(s) she has made in her past. She had a boyfriend with whom she was in a living relationship with, although she's living in a foreign country, she belongs to strict Sikh family from India, so she hasn't told anyone else about her previous relationship except me. She cries sometimes because of her mistakes and also tells me that she's not worthy of me and that I deserve/can find someone better than her. She also says that she will be the "..luckiest girl in the world" if we get married. She told me that she can't handle another heart break, that she doesn't want her dreams to be broken again.

I get really angry, sad, upset, worried. .. about her past sometimes, simply because I have waited for her all my life and I expected the same, but what's done in the past cannot be undone, and she also has many regrets. She has also made some other mistakes in her past that I cannot discuss here.... Please don't get me wrong, but I do sometimes feel like 'getting even' by breaking up with her and marrying another girl; that has waited for me just as I have waited for her. It's just that I can't imagine the love of my life loosing her virginity to another guy and then to have 'done it' countless times with him, it upsets me and hurts me probably more than it hurts her.
I still love her with all my heart and can't imagine my life without her. So I usually try to convince myself to think about the beautiful future we can have together. This is not something that I can share with my parents, because they will completely disagree with our marriage, so in a way I will also be lying to my parents by not telling them.

I can tell that she loves me a lot. Her previous boyfriend took great advantage of her innocence and then walked away, got married to another girl. It was his idea to be in a "living relationship" in the first place and initially she refused, but eventually she gave in. So I'm crushed between love and her past now, I am really confused, I want to give her all the happiness in the world, but at the same time I feel that what she has done is wrong, and I shouldn't have to suffer for it. She cannot live without me and I can't ... (more)

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answered 2015-07-14 06:40:22 -0600

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Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

We all made mistakes in our past, but the main thing is we should learn (Sikh) from our mistakes. If people have changed from the past the best thing to do is ignore what happened and carry on.

Just do Ardaas to Guru Ji, and ask him to resolve all these issues.

This is a good video, for what to do next

Please forgive me if i said anything wrong or offensive

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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answered 2015-10-08 18:33:12 -0600

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This is a very important decision for you. One that will affect your married relationship for the rest of your life. I strongly urge you to take time to consider your options. If you cannot forgive her or forget her past then don't punish her by getting married to her and remind her about her sins every day of your married life, it will destroy your marriage and she will probably have to leave you. Remember that she told you the truth when she didn't have to tell you about her past relationships. How many boys/men are truthful to their fiancés about the number of girlfriends they have had? Life is too short to let go of a loving relationship. You clearly love her deeply. If you don't forgive and marry her then someone else will and you will have lost her for ever. We would not be human if we didn't make mistakes, the main thing is she has been honest with you and learned from her mistakes. The only person that can pass judgement is Waheguru himself, we are not put on this earth to punish others for their sins.

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answered 2015-10-07 23:28:05 -0600

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It is basically a tough situation.
But you know what you need to do? your heart wants her this can be good or bad, because heart is kind of stupid, but it can be the right thing as well.

Truth is although u asked this question here, the answer will come to from the wisdom that lies within you.

Basically what you are going through are a explosion of emotions Any decision taken under the influence of emotions is gonna be bad news

Now i mentioned that that wisdom to make proper decisions lies within. How u can obtain that is through meditation early morning. This will calm down your mind. when ur mind is calm take the good and the bad, take the pros and the cons. And make the decision. When u make the right decision you will feel it.

Good luck

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Asked: 2015-07-13 19:43:34 -0600

Seen: 1,069 times

Last updated: Oct 08 '15