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Trust after trauma

asked 2015-07-11 18:43:29 -0500

D.K gravatar image

updated 2015-07-13 07:37:18 -0500

gn gravatar image

According to my parents and relatives I am at the age where I should consider getting married, 23. I was sexually assulted many years ago however I never really healed and it has caused me to have many trust issues.

My family members have had arranged/assisted marriages as most Sikhs have, and it is what they also expect me to have but I don't want to.

As we are unable to get to know the guy in depth and can only go by what the man's family is like, I am worried that I could marry an abusive man. We are allowed to get to know them a little more after a formal engagement but the reason for ending that relationship has to be very significant.

I understand that in Sikhi we are not meant to have relationships before marriage, but how else can you fully trust someone and in a sensitive case what can be done?

I have had one boyfriend since the attack who I was willing to take a risk with, he was not Sikh but was a good man. My mother did not agree and forced me to cut all ties with him. I am not willing to marry anyone at all now but I am now feeling forced to marry someone for the sake of my family. The only man I feel I will ever be comfortable with is the one my family will not accept, what do I do?

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answered 2015-07-12 10:14:33 -0500

gn gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

If you are marrying age then you can have a relationship before marriage, but of course there are restrictions on what you can't do in that relationship. I for one wouldn't trust my parents finding me a wife.

Don't get married until your not ready. Your family should be able to understand that you have trust issues, explain to them that you need to know the guy before.

Do Ardaas in front of Guru Ji, tell him to guide you and give you strength to forget what happened to you in the past.

If you don't do Path, then start doing Path, Simran and Sewa. There is many many videos online to help you in Path and Simran try Acapella Jatha on SoundCloud or YouTube.

Also many videos about marriage in English I've linked them below do check them out.

Also interfaith Anand Karaj's many videos on this check these out

There are many online matronal stuff for sikhs:

  • Sikhnet have a matrimonial service
  • Check this one out any questions about marriage you can ask them there as well as here. They can give much much better advice than me.

Also check out these answers for other questions related to marriage on this site, just search marriage at the top. I'll also link some below:

Just ask Guru Ji your his daughter he will resolve your problems. Just listen to Gurbani, contemplate Gurbani and bring Gurbani in your actions, do Sewa and Naam Simran and all your fears and anxieties will go away. I've had physiological issues affecting me before and bringing me dow, but Guru Ji helped me control them.

Please forgive me if i said anything offensive or wrong. Hope you remain in Chardi Kala

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh

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Asked: 2015-07-11 18:43:29 -0500

Seen: 519 times

Last updated: Jul 12 '15