lazy and unwilling
WAHEGURU ji ka khalsa WAHEGURU ji ki fateh!
im a Sikh currently living In the us, and struggling with life. I struggle with life because inside me, I know what is right. I know I should be doing more path and more simran,and in order to do that I have to finish my daily responsibilities and not waste time, but after thinking about all the work I have to do each day(not a lot), my mind just goes in "shut down" mode. It is like another force is taking over me, and I start to watch tv and do Maya related activities out of unwillingness and stubbornness. I have become so lazy. I just cannot find that enthusiasm, that pride, that love, for being a Sikh, and being so blessed. At the end of the day, I regret it, and I turn mad But now I am regretting it less and less. I used to be a loving Sikh, waking up at amrit vela everyday, but now I am drowning. Please help me before I'm completely drowned.
EDIT - also, I believe I am lacking in motivation. I know WHY I should do my work/simran/nitnem, but I am not motivated still, my heart and mind both seem empty, I feel like I have no emotion, in fact, I don't feel anything. At the moment, I am lying on my bed, It is 11:45 am, I have not done my nitnem , not done simran, I haven't even taken a bath.
thank you for the answers! I greatly appreciate it :-)