relationship help
Waheguru ji ka khalsa Waheguru ji ki fateh!
I wanted some help in my personal life. First, I want to tell something about myself. By Guru ji's Grace, I got a blessing of Amrit and strength to walk of Guru ji's Path as much as I can. The only thing I want to accomplish in my life is that whatever kind of life I have, I want to live according to Gurmat. I want to obey and love Waheguru as much as I can. This is really the only thing that holds importance to me , nothing else.
It has been one year, I have been like best friends with a guy who is a Sikh but doesn't really have true love for Waheguru from his heart. I was always concerned about our friendship the whole time because I never wanted him to see me more than a friend. I would take Hukams from Guru Maharaj all the time about this, like if I should still continue this close friendship or not. I walked according to Maharaj ji. He did started loving me and I also couldn't ignore it any more. If it was a small crush, I would have said no to him. But honestly, he considers me the only precious thing in his life. I struggled throught alot, but Guru ji told me in Hukams that I should say yes to the relationship. Guru ji told that he will eventually become a Gursikh slowly.
But I am not happy. It kills me that I might not have a Gursikh llifestyle or household when I get married. I am not happy that I wont live in a family where everyone holds true love for Waheguru ji. This was my toppest priority when I ever thoguht about getting married in future.
He isnt really interested in Sikhi, but he tires his very best to follow whatever he can to make me happy. For Ex, he has become a vegetarian. But he does all this for my happiness, not because of Guru ji. After such drastic changes, he does feel forced from inside, but he say anything because he knows that I always wanted a Gursikh husband. He even says he is ready to take Amrit. But I stop him because he doesn't even what Amrit really is!
Right now, I am trying to accept Guru ji's Will. I think it is a "desire" that I have of living a Gursikh lifestyle that I should eliminate because we shouldnt really worldly wants and desires in us. I am working on to kill my mind and even accept if I get a life where my family is not Gursikh.
I am not sure what is wrong, and what is right. I am just wondering if I can get any suggestions from you about this. Thank you so much
Waheguru ji ka khalsa Wahegruu ji ki fateh
