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Constant conflict in family

asked 2018-12-19 16:26:06 -0500

anonymous user


updated 2018-12-20 10:13:12 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Lately, there is has been so much conflict in our house that it is extremely overwhelming. It weighs really heavy on my heart and stresses me out. My parents have been bickering and finding it incredibly difficult to get along by always arguing. There are fights about my dad's drinking and other external influences such as my dads brothers family. I feel like in the midst of all of this its me and my siblings that are constantly being suppressed and suffocated. I know I can't live like this - its such a horrible environment and circumstance, but I just don't know what to do. Who do I ask to change and who's wrong, I just don't know. I feel extremely helpless, tired and flustered that I just wish I could leave. I wish we could have some peace in the house and my parents would get along. To be honest my faith in God is wavering a bit - I did 40 days of So Purkh for my dad in the beginning of the year and 40 days of Dhan Dhan Ram Das Gur recently, but I don't see/feel a difference and so I can't help but question the effectiveness of my prayers. So its making it increasingly difficult to seek refuge in God, especially in such times. I feel like I've failed because I cannot keep my family together and maintain the peace and neither can I maintain a strong connection with God, this breaks my heart.

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answered 2018-12-19 19:00:23 -0500

Tryingtobasikh gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh,

Let me start off by saying that "40 days of so purakh" isn't going to help. Baani isn't for repetition but to be put into practice, they're orders and lessons from our guru jis. Second of all, prayers always answered but the time and in what way, is only upto god. If god takes care of those living in stones, ocean, trees, then will he not care for your beautiful soul? You're going through a tough time, and that's okay, we all do, some more and some less. Just image what our guru ji's went through. They loved god a lot and had a lot of knowledge, then why did they suffer? Couldn't they just repeat naam 1000 times a day and end their suffering? Well, instead, they chose to adore what god did and try to battle things out. Have you tried talking to your mother about how this is making you suffer? or even a grandparent? Parents usually agree with grandparents and their wisdom. Look for solutions, and accept that god is teaching the family a lesson. Oh, and why don't you try putting shabad on every morning and then ask one of your parent about the meaning. This might make them realise somethings that they might be doing wrong i.e "ghat ghat andar har ju basai (god abides in everyone)", "mith bolda ji, har sajaan swami mora (my beloved talks so very sweetly)". After they answer that, ask them "Mom/dad also has god in them, so why do you not speak sweetly to them? Aren't your their beloved as well?" Bhul chuk muaf karni.

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answered 2018-12-20 10:23:18 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2018-12-20 10:23:56 -0500

You say, "I cannot keep my family together and maintain the peace and neither can I maintain a strong connection with God." Well, it is true that you cannot keep your family together, but it is not your job to do that. This fighting is not your fault; it is simply the karmas playing out in the family matrix. No, you cannot maintain the peace either. But again, your job is only to maintain peace within yourself. When you do that, then you radiate peace. But you are not responsible for the peace of others.

Lastly, you CAN maintain a strong connection with God and that is where your focus needs to be now. You are letting the conflict energy in the family throw you off balance and stir you up emotionally.

Do your sadhana. Calm your mind. Do lots of Simran. Let the drama play out and become the blessing in the midst of it all.

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Asked: 2018-12-19 16:26:06 -0500

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Last updated: Dec 20 '18