Will I be forgiven?

Sadly, this type of jealously does exist and I am aware of that type of elaborate scheming down to bring someone down. I am so sorry you experienced that. The main thing here is recognizing that you were pressured, and that it was inappropriate of them to have put you in that situation. Please don’t blame yourself. You were very young. I think it is important now for you to choose your sangat (friends) carefully and for the time being it is reasonable to spend some time alone in reflection, but also then to see where you are going to meet people who align with you you want to be. I am glad that time has given you the realization and surely over time this will heal the pain in your family too as they see how you come out of this.

I think there is a lot of pain related to this situation and understandably so. The crying is a way for you to let that pain go. Its ok. God has and will take you back, because you were never not belonging to God in the first place. It is our perception that we were far away because you moved to a different path for your life, but God in fact has been here for you all along. Although this changed you forever, you can learn and take a lot from it. I think it may be helpful to go see a counsellor to sort through some of these feelings, but it should be someone who culturally understands the impact this has had on your life. I can identify a lot of things here that need to be worked through like your idea of the life you had and your grief for that life.

In terms of connecting to God, take your steps now: go to the Gurdwara. Continue to absorb and listen to Hukamnamas and as much Gurbani/kirtan as you can. I know you feel ashamed, but you are a princess. You are a Kaur and we were written to be strong women, and you are a strong woman. You are capable of rebuilding your life from here. It is the hardest moment right now, but it will get better. You need to find and discover your own path to God. Luckily there are lots of great resources on the internet like Basics of Sikhi, Nanak Naam, Sikhnet, etc. There are also Kaur blogs like Kaur Life. Try to spend some time exploring these to learn more about Sikhi.

You don’t have to change your house, your name, your car. You were given a name by your parents for a special reason. Changing those things likely won’t give you relief, although I can see how your living situation is a constant reminder of your past. It just may not be feasible for you to afford to move. You can recreate your mindset without having to do any of those outside things. Although you ... (more)