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what should i do?

asked 2018-07-31 12:04:45 -0500

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There is a student in my college who abuses me a lot. Earlier I lived in hostel next to his room and he literally tortured me- damaged my things, even beat me apart from mental torture. I complained against him to the authorities, my room is far from him now, but he still keeps bothering me. He calls me names, uses foul language, abuses me now verbally only. I feel sad. I don't say anything in return. I am scared to talk to him. Gurbani teaches we should treat everyone nicely. But what should I do? I don't want to abuse or use bad language. I can't complain because it is only verbal and authorities will say its childish. Should I just ignore him? I feel depression after episodes of attack from him. How can I overcome this without talking to him?

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answered 2018-07-31 15:46:52 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

updated 2018-07-31 15:49:59 -0500

This capacity to stay compassionately engaged even with those who have done harm to us is called, in Gurmukhi, Khimaa ਖਿਮਾ It's usually translated as "forgiveness," but it's much more than that.

When we experience trauma, fear or pain, the instinct to lash out, to blame someone, shame someone, rage against someone, speak negatively about someone is very normal. “ one knowingly makes a mistake….That one alone is mistaken whom the Lord makes so….The Creator acts and causes all to act… (Guru Arjan Dev JI - Prathhamae Shhoddee Paraaee Nindhaa)

It is said that Guru Hargobind went on a friendly hunting trip with Emperor Jahangir only a few months after the torture and death of his father, Guru Arjan Dev ji by the Emperor’s order. Similarly, Guru Gobind Singh ji presented a special Robe of Honor to Bahadur Shah when he succeeded the throne of his father, the Mogul King, Auragzeb. Even though Aurangzeb had caused the martyrdom of Guru Gobind Singh’s father and mother, his four children and countless Sikhs.

This is very difficult to accept and understand if we look at the event through everyday eyes. Yet, this story exemplifies the virtue of khimaa ਖਿਮਾ in Sikhi. Guru Hargobind and Guru Gobind Singh had fully realized the truth embodied within the Shabad Guru. They had the character and ability to look upon friend and enemy alike. They beheld everything that happened as Hukam, as part of the Divine Plan. This gave them the strength to stay positive in speech and action, to harbor no anxiety in their minds.

So, the bottom line is you must engage compassionately and talk to him. If you don't want things to continue in this manner, then don't avoid the situation. Don't play the sympathy game. Speak lovingly and directly. Engage.

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Asked: 2018-07-31 12:04:45 -0500

Seen: 63 times

Last updated: Jul 31 '18