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I've done a horrible sin. I feel so guilty. Pls guys help me. I beg you.

asked 2018-07-04 06:41:19 -0500

updated 2018-07-10 16:55:58 -0500

Guruka Singh gravatar image

Guys I need help too. I'm from UK. I've sin. I've done something so terrible that Waheguru may never ever forgive me. I can't take the guilt anymore. It's eating me inside. It has already been a year plus we did this. We did this. My gf and I, we kissed and lusted each other in gurdwara compound while no one was looking. It felt so wrong so I stopped it half way. I don't know what happened to me. She touched me here and there too, likewise... I felt so bad. I cannot describe how much I felt. I have so much of guilt in me. I really can't take this. I can't stop crying. I sometimes even cry in the middle of the night. Not only that I have so much of anxiety and guilt. I love my Guruji so much. I've never done anything wrong in my life before. While my gf doesn't even have guilt, while I do. One day I found out she was using me, she did sexual activity with other guys.(more than one) I broke up immediately(she got a new bf the next day who's an amrithdhari), I was so heartbroken, I started drinking. I came back home drunk late hours everyday and crying. I told my sister what happened too. I can't stop crying whenever I think about it. But this is not about her, it's about me. I really need help. I feel like committing suicide at times. I can't take the mental stress anymore. My Guruji would be so mad at me that I disrespected Him. I can't take this anymore. I'm even crying right now as I'm typing this. I've talk to friends and family about this. I've done a lot of charity, donations. Even went to serve food for homeless people. I'm trying my best to make my Guruji happy with me again, but I don't know how. Help me. I beg you guys. Help me. I know I've sin, but pls help me. I cannot tell you how I feel. I feel like dying in the inside. Everything is broken in me. I don't feel like doing things, working or eating at times. Whenever I think of the incident, I just feel like I wanna pull the trigger over my head. I can't take this. Plss I beg you. Help me seek forgiveness. I need it or I'll never live in peace. Even my hands are trembling thinking of my sin. My chest burns in flame. My eyes in tears always. I need someone to guide me to seek forgiveness to my Guruji. I go to gurdwara and begged him for it most of the time but I'm still not happy with myself. Pls forgive me Guruji

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answered 2018-07-04 21:33:00 -0500

strongKaur gravatar image

I know you feel very bad about what happened, but obsessing on this topic ruins the present and cannot reverse the past. God forgives all. Do you remember the sakhi of Kauda and Guru Nanak dev Ji? Or Sajjan Thug? The forgiveness that you desire is actually forgiving yourself. You need to forgive from within. Humans make mistakes. We carry the filth of so many incarnations from the past before this too. But the important part is about learning and not being held down. If you hold your mistakes tight like this, it becomes a type of jail. You can free yourself of this because all of that “dirt” we carry from so long, can be washed away with Gurbani. I think one good example I saw from a lady named Sister Shivani was actually that she said our lives are like a white kurta pajama. Imagine that you had gotten it muddy. It is simply soiled and can be washed away. The kurta pajama is still white. God is still within you. You are and will be the pure soul that you always were. Your mind has convinced you and tricked you that you made a mistake so big it cannot be forgiven. It can. It IS. You must forgive yourself now too. It might not be quick but it can happen. I can see that she manipulated you, and you came away feeling heartbroken and used. It is okay to cry. To express your emotions is better than to hold them in. I don’t know if this is true for you, but to me it sounds like you are also sad that you had planned on sharing this physical relationship with someone you wanted to spend your life with, to you it was a big commitment for someone particularly special in your life (while for her it sounded like she just considered this something she casually). But God knows that was in your heart and Guru Ji knows the love that you have. You also did a good job in breaking it off. You did a good job in talking to people and seeking help. You are obviously very committed to your relationship with Guru Ji and with God.

I really honestly think that counselling will be a huge benefit to you in this situation and you could go to your doctor and get a referral (it is confidential and safe). They could help you figure out how to deal with this. At the same time my point would be it would need to be someone which is also culturally appropriate. This wasn’t just a breakup. This wasn’t even really about the breakup, but deeper about the betrayal of your trust, and of your values, and of your relationship to Guru Ji. (And I totally understand that part because I had to repair the same thing within myself at one point in my life). I know you want the pain to be over, but the ... (more)

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answered 2018-07-15 23:18:20 -0500

Tryingtobasikh gravatar image

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh veer ji,

First of all, I'm no philosopher or very wise so please forgive me if the "advice" I'm trying to offer is ridiculous. You said that you did it in a gurudwara but hey our guru ji is everywhere, watching. Sajanda mera Sajanda nikat khaloeda mera sajanda and kar kar vekhe sirjanhar, nanak sache ki sachi kar. Now, he knows about why and where you did it, he himself allowed you do to so and he himself knows the reasons. He himself is the one at guilt and the one giving forgiveness. Yes ofcourse, what you did is not a great deed but remember "sajan thag" was a man who use to kill people for money, yet, guru nanak dev ji led him in the right direction and he then became a good man. The point isn't how big your mistake is, the point is, accepting it and being ready to change and learn from it. Satgur sabna da bhala manaida.

Suicide is never the option, and it takes away your chance of helping humankind. Who knows, maybe god led you to this so you can change in a some ways, just accept what has happened, and try to move on. Don't see guru ji as a human but god, there's no one as kind and forgiving as him, you're his sweet child, he will forgive you if ask for it. Just, from now on, try to follow guru granth sahib ji.

**jau pai ham na paap kara(n)taa ahe ana(n)taa || If I did not commit any sins, O Infinite Lord,

patit paavan naam kaise hu(n)taa ||1|| rahaau || how would You have acquired the name, 'Redeemer of sinners'? ||1||Pause||* - ang 93.*

Trust me, you seem like a great person and someone ready to acquire the new good life ahead. Don't give up, sing the kirtan of god, follow guru ji's teachings and who knows, maybe you'll even be liberated. Swas Swas simro gobind, man antar ki utre chint. Bhul Chuk Muaf karni ji.

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nice answer!

strongKaur gravatar imagestrongKaur ( 2018-07-17 01:55:21 -0500 )edit

Thank you! so was yours! :)

Tryingtobasikh gravatar imageTryingtobasikh ( 2018-07-20 22:51:59 -0500 )edit

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Asked: 2018-07-04 06:41:19 -0500

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Last updated: Jul 15